36 Weeks Pregnant with a "sizable guy"

This is the comparison of my boys at 36 weeks

36 wk was the week I was released from bed rest with Owen, I'm more swollen and carrying more closely to my body. At 36 wk with Baby Brother I'm feeling strong and confident. My belly is bigger but because I've been on my feet I have more room in my rib cage this time around.

Had an OB appointment today and when Owen and I arrived the receptionist told me my appointment had been moved from 915am to 1050am. I told her my appointment has NEVER been moved without someone calling first but she shrugged, handed me my label stickers (for any urine or blood work they run) and said they'd try their best to fit me in sooner. I was pissed so I just folded the labels and shoved them in my purse. Owen was an angel in the waiting room. He ate an oatmeal bar and blueberries I packed for breakfast and played toys. The waiting room filled and emtpied several times over while we still sat there. There was a check out girl who watched Owen playing nicely and asked if he could have some fruit snacks she had hidden in her office. She asked me why we were sitting out there so long... by this time it was 11:45!

She went back and told the doctors a woman and her 2 yr old had been waiting since 9am and they said, "Mrs. Reese no showed her appointment" --- she explained that she had seen me waiting since 9am and then came out to ask if I was given labels. I said yes, dug them out of my purse and they had the WRONG person's name on them with a 1050 appointment time. The check-in girl messed everything up! The doctors and staff were horrified but even more suprized that 1) Owen was AN ANGEL the entire time and 2) My blood pressure wasn't through the roof!

After the doctor apologized like one million times, we went over my birth plan (I wrote about it this week on Kveller) which he said looked great.

Baby Brother's heartbeat was strong, I'm measuring a little over 38 weeks (at 36.5 weeks) and I'm not dilated AT ALL! He checked to see if he was head down and sure enough, he is! Jeremy helped me do some inversions (from this site, thanks E!) one night this week while he tried to move the baby into place and it worked! When the doctor was feeling for baby's position he said, "Wow you've got a sizable guy in there!"  He reminded me to pay careful attention to kick counts/activity and if I feel him getting at all sluggish to call as he's quite big in there and the risks of being born are now lower than the risks of staying in without a enough room. He's an active guy, much moreso than his brother, so I'll be sure to keep an eye on him.

I'll be 37 weeks on MONDAY!! Another prenatal Yoga class and looking forward to FULL TERM status.

I now have weekly appointments on Thursdays :)

****************************** BIRTH VISION *************************************

Hospital birth attended by MFM attending/Fellow

Support person(s): Husband and Doula

I am requesting to NOT be delivered by an OB/GYN resident – would like MFM Fellow or Attending.

After a high-risk pregnancy/induction with my first, followed by a miscarriage we have chosen extra support to help us feel like we’ve done everything we can to have a positive birth experience. Our goal is a healthy baby so we are open-minded and flexible but appreciate your support with these requests assuming all is medically sound. 

Labor: I would like go into labor naturally and progress w/o pitocin for as long as medically possible. I would like to be as mobile as possible - free to walk, use birthing ball or change positions. I want to make every effort to birth unmedicated (I am open to an epidural, but I will ask)

No pharmaceutical opiods (Morphine, Nubain, Demerol).  Would like to be Heplocked (I know I will be treated for Group B Strep) and fetal monitoring via telemetry.

Postpartum:  Assuming this baby is healthy and able I would like to have baby skin-to-skin immediately, Apgars on my chest, and delay non-emergent treatments until after first hour (bonding/nursing) eye ointment, vit K, bath etc.

Breastfeeding only – do NOT offer formula.

We would like to request that the hearing test is done in the room.

No circumcision (We are Jewish & will do it at a later time)

35 Weeks Pregnant

I'm still taking Prenatal Yoga once per week.

I'm on my feet.

My last P-17 shot is this Friday.

My bathing suit doesn't fit and I had to wear a bikini to the pool with Owen.

On our way to a full-term boy. 

August might just be the month we become a family of four.

I'm huge and hot but very, very happy.

How far along? 35 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +15 lbs
Maternity clothes? Yep, all maternity shirts and I pretty much live in stretch skirts and dresses
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: Pillow Nest + Air on HIGH = six hours of sleep. I've also gone back to napping for a little bit while Owen naps. I still have work/writing deadlines but I find myself exhausted after our morning activities, 45 minutes of rest usually does me good. 
Best moment this week: Just realizing I'm on my feet, being a Mama and enjoying the summer with my boy before his brother arrives. There has been lots of pool time for Mama and Owen :)
Movement: TONS!
Food cravings: Meh. Still not much and nothing compared to the first time around.
Gender: Baby Brother
Labor Signs: Not much, holding steady.
Belly Button in or out? I wouldn't call it "IN" but not completely popped yet.
What I miss: Summer sangria, carrying Owen, and sleeping on my stomach.
What I am looking forward to: Jeremy has a few weekends off next month so we're going to a concert and we're going to start working on our to-do list in preparation for Baby Brother. (I wrote on Kveller this week about how we're not doing much this time around)
Weekly Wisdom: I've been getting SO MANY sympathetic looks over the past few weeks, especially when I'm out and about with Owen. I think because I'm huge and IT'S HOT but I like it when random strangers are nice to you because you are pregnant, it lifts me up a little :)
Milestones: 35 weeks and on my feet!

34 Weeks Pregnant

This week at the doctor they decided not to check me but Baby Brother's heartbeat was great. I gained 4 pounds since my last visit so I'm up a total of 15 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (I think the shots and the heat have a lot to do with this, I'm just not hungry). I told the doctor that I don't think baby is head down yet because I've been feeling hiccups both near my ribs and then sometimes by my hip. He felt around and wasn't able to determine exactly how our little guy was positioned so he did an ultrasound. Sure enough, our boy is currently oblique (the long axis of the fetal body crosses that of the maternal body at an angle close to 45 degrees.)

Owen's head was deep down in my pelvis with his butt and legs in my rib cage since 27 weeks so I knew this felt different. The doctor said he probably hasn't moved down yet because I've had a lot less contractions this time around. He said, most likely the head will pop down into my pelvis no problem but they will keep an eye on it (if he stays that way babies can present shoulder first for birth). We go back in two weeks for an internal check and to discuss our birth plan and then weekly visits from there!

So close!!

Reading to my boys

When I was pregnant with Owen all of the baby books suggested reading to your baby in utero because they can hear your voice. It always felt awkward and forced to read aloud to my pregnant belly, but this time around Baby Brother gets to hear all of the stories that his big brother picks out (there is A LOT of Curious George!)

I find myself soaking up my time with Owen but also so very excited to welcome our new little guy very soon. I hope he likes books as much as his brother does, I bet he can recite them from memory already :)

{Owen just shy of 29 months and Mama just shy of 34 weeks pregnant with Baby Brother}

32.5 Weeks: Dreaming of Baby Brother

I had an appointment today with the nurse practitioner. My contractions have been increasing and I have them most evenings and sometimes during the day. The perinatologists we're seeing don't see enough evidence that giving medication or prescribing bed rest actually stop labor so I'm trying to remain calm and rest when I can. Since I'm contracting daily, she wanted to do an exam today. She said I am fingertip dilated and 30% effaced but there is still a little bit of cervix left. Not the best news, but I stayed fingertip dilated with Owen for quite some time so I'm hoping my body just likes to start early and I can hold this guy in AT LEAST three more weeks.

Everything else looked great. My blood pressure was nice and low and my belly was measuring exactly on track. I gained a half a pound in the last two weeks, up 10.5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, which she said was fine as long as I'm eating enough. Jeremy will continue to give me my weekly injections until 36 weeks and then we are in the clear.

I'm starting to look at birth options and hoping I can make to to 36 weeks, can visit the Mikvah and stay calm.  I'm continuing to take prenatal yoga and it is really helping me clear my mind of some of the anxiety and negative associations I had first time around.

At 32 weeks with Owen, I had been on bed rest for six weeks. That was probably my lowest point emotionally and I'm just thankful that I'm in a better place this time around.

We'd love some extra thoughts and prayers as we get closer to meeting Baby Brother.

 How far along? 30 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +10 lbs
Maternity clothes? Yep, all maternity shirts and I pretty much live in stretch skirts and dresses (note: September baby WAAAAY hotter than February baby)
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: It's hit or miss. I have our air unit in our room set at 70 and I'm still hot (while Jeremy is absolutely FREEZING) and as long as I have enough pillows surrounding me I can sleep.
Best moment this week: My first prenatal yoga class - I'm on my feet at 30 weeks! I won 12 sessions at a great yoga studio down the street from us at my La Leche League conference so I called our sitter to watch Owen while I took the 90 minute class. It was really, really great.
Movement: TONS!
Food cravings:I'm not having as many cravings this time around, not sure if it's the P17 injections or what. I have been enjoying cherry dipped cones from Dairy Queen, frozen strawberry lemonade from McDonalds and lots of Qdoba chips and salsa.
Gender: Baby Brother
Labor Signs: Other than the triage visit, just one other morning with lots of contractions. Doing lots better this time around.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: carrying Owen when he asks, he's just too heavy for me now and I know he is very disappointed.
What I am looking forward to: I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy rather than wishing the weeks away until I'm in the safe zone. This is easier said than done. Going to prenatal yoga was a huge step for me and it helped me build confidence that I can do this. I've also been trying to savor my alone time with Owen. I adore him so and part of me is sad I'll have to share my attention in a few months.

Weekly Wisdom: Prenatal yoga is a WONDERFUL stress reliever in the third trimester. I'm not much of a yoga person, but I've found it physically challenging and emotionally filling.

Milestones: 30 weeks and on my feet!

28 Weeks: A Visit to Triage

Monday I had a particularly busy day scrubbing toilets and chasing Owen. Around 8:30 p.m. I began having four to five contractions per hour. I knew I had been pretty active so I laid down and was trying to stay calm and drink water because Jeremy was on call. By 11 p.m. I was having seven to nine contractions per hour and decided it was time to call the doctor. Since this is the window where I had cervical changes with Owen, they asked that I come in.

I was going to drive myself, which the doctor did NOT approve of, so we woke up Owen and took him. Plus Jeremy was on call and answering pages the entire time.

After signing a bazillion papers (one of which was consent to have my newborn’s picture taken. AT 28 WEEKS?! NO! And how is this essential paperwork?), I was headed back to observation. Jeremy and Owen were asked to remain in the waiting area, which was completely FILTHY. We rushed out of the house and didn't even think to bring socks for Owen. Jeremy let him watch Curious George on the ipod, and while they were both exhausted, Owen was a very good boy despite being woken up in the middle of the night. Here are my boys in the waiting room...

By the time they took me back and had me hooked up it was like 1:30am and the contractions stopped. Then a doctor came in and said she was going to examine me. All along they had been telling me who was on call for MFM, so I assumed this was a fellow. I was hesitant about the exam because I HAVE NEVER BEEN EXAMINED this pregnancy. Just as she was about to do it, I saw her fleece said, OB/GYN. I asked her if she was the MFM fellow, and she said, "No, I'm a resident but you'll be meeting Dr. "blah blah" from MFM shortly I don't think you've seen her yet" And proceeds to do the exam TWICE because she isn't sure what she felt!! Turns out she was a 2nd year resident, I could have had JEREMY check me if I wanted a second year resident's opinion! Then she says, "well the external OS is open but I felt the internal OS and it seems to be closed and I don't feel any baby parts pushing down." What in the HELL does that mean? And who says "baby parts" to an expectant high-risk Mama?? Next thing I know the nurse comes back telling me I'm free to go. At 3 a.m. I met my tired family back in the waiting area and we headed home.

Jeremy was BEYOND pissed that they wouldn't let him back (they said the rule was no toddlers, but the lady in the room next to me had her family with her). He had no clue what the resident was talking about either, and he was mad that they didn't just ultrasound me. Jeremy was like, "so she just pushed her way through the open part to keep feeling??? On a high risk patient??"

I was frustrated and just wished I would have stayed home until they stopped. But how would I know? I also have no Procadia at home or anything else to stop contractions. 

Jeremy came with me to the doctor the following day and we explained that we were less than thrilled about our time in triage. My appointment was with the chairman, he apologized said he'll talk to the resident and then said, despite her poor communication, everything still looks good.

So, I haven't had any contractions since so I'm hoping it was a fluke. I don't want any more digital exams than I have to so I'll go back to the doctor in two weeks. I'm still getting my P-17 injections every week and I've been trying to lay down during Owen's nap to rest a little myself.

Just need to keep this boy INSIDE!

Tears for what might have been

December 16, 2009 was hard. Really hard. It was the day that all of my idealistic, giddy pregnancy notions were wiped away, forever. It was a day that I learned how heart wrenching parenthood can be. It was a day that I remember in snippets, almost as if it didn't really happen to me and I was watching it through a piece of foggy glass.

One year ago I went into preterm labor with Owen. We knew things weren't right and were ready to deal with a cerclage and possible limitations - we weren't ready to see contractions 3 minutes apart on the monitor.

I remember the long tape of waves that my doctor pulled up and then canceled our procedure.

I don't remember how I got to my room in the prenatal intensive care unit.

I remember Jeremy watching the monitor with his very scared almost-doctor-face, willing the contractions to stop.

I remember asking him how big a baby is at 27 weeks.

I remember he said, "Not big enough."

I don't remember what I ate, or if I ate. 

I remember signing the papers that the nurse brought, the papers that gave my permission for my baby to be taken away immediately and given all means necessary to save his life. I looked down at my signature -- it was barely legible.

I remember a conversation that Jeremy and I had to have. A conversation that hurts just thinking about. We decided that if I were to give birth to our tiny son, no matter what happened, that Jeremy would stay with him. Go with him. Anywhere. No matter what. Because if he only had a short time in this big wide world - he would never be alone and he would know that he was loved.

I remember wishing away that lullaby. 

And I don't remember much after that. That's enough isn't it? Enough to rip your heart out? I couldn't talk about it or write about it. All I did was pray to myself and listen to his tiny heartbeat.

I met a new part of my husband that day. The part who returned all of the phone calls on our behalf and wrote a blog and slept in a chair holding my hand all night long. I met Owen's Daddy that day.

We were reminded that we have friends, lots of really wonderful friends spread out across the country. We had family hugging us from afar and we had strangers praying for us in churches and temples.

While it was an awful day, it turned into another day, and another, and another. Jeremy wrote, "we hope that this period is measured in months and not days." -- and it was. 

I'm scared out of my mind to see two pink lines again. My happy pregnancy whims have turned to fear and all I can see is an exhausting, cautious 36 week countdown. I hope time will heal those wounds. I hope one day I am brave enough to try again. Because it was all worth it.

And that heart wrenching feeling... it never went away. I discovered it is a part of me now. He is a part of me now. And while having a child has made my heart soar to places I've never imagined, the visceral worry lingers in the background. And when he falls or crys out or won't eat -- it pounces.

And today, as all those memories come flooding back, I look at my beautiful, healthy son and pray for those Mama's who aren't as lucky as I was. Because I am lucky and thankful and blessed.

To be his Mama.

Owen's Birth Story Part I

I cannot believe it has taken me over a half a year to write down Owen’s birth story. It is a good thing I play it over and over again in my head at least once a day. That moment and every moment since then has forever changed me, humbled me and allowed me to feel the most visceral love I have ever known.

Jeremy and I have always been planners – we call it living an intentional life. Some of it is because the path to medicine has very little room for flexibility but most of it is simply catering to our type A personalities. Last April, Jeremy bought me a digital SLR camera for my 29th birthday – he convinced our families to chip in for some accessories and a photography class that we would take together. Little did they know, we were planning to learn to use this camera to take pictures of a child we were trying to conceive. Little did we know, all the planning in the world couldn't have prepared us for the year ahead.

I wanted to have a strong, healthy body to welcome a growing person. I ate right, taught spinning and practiced Pilates. I eliminated caffeine from my diet years ago due to a sensitivity and I was going strong with prenatal vitamins for almost a year. My goal was to continue with this regimen throughout my pregnancy. This was easy because as it turns out -  pregnancy was wonderful to me. Other than some headaches in the first trimester I was symptom free. I traveled, I worked, and I can honestly say I took time to be enamored with my changing body and enjoy being pregnant. I taught cycling up until my 25th week at which point it became difficult for me to teach an hour long class without having to get off the bike mid-spin to pee.

Two weeks later my cervix softened and I went into preterm labor with a baby weighing barely a pound and little to no lung tissue. In one moment my hope for a strong body turned into hopes for a full term baby. I set my sights on the calendar as each week passed at a snails pace. Things started to improve and I held steady at just a finger-tip dilatated for days and then weeks. But my body was weak. Only being allowed up to go to the bathroom and take a five minute shower destroyed my muscle tone quicker than I could have imagined. After only a few weeks of bed rest I needed Jeremy’s assistance getting off of the couch and in and out of the shower. I felt helpless in every way and needed my husband's constant reminding that I was doing the most important work of all.

I was given privileges to go to childbirth classes at the hospital and they accommodated me with a wheelchair and a full recliner. We were also given a private breastfeeding crash course by the head of lactation for the hospital. We listened to the natural birthing techniques and came up with a birthplan. Our plan was for an unmedicated birth with a request for skin-to-skin care immediately following delivery, assuming the baby was healthy. I was open to the possibility of an epidural if I absolutely had to, but not to any other narcotics or sedatives pushed through an IV. I wanted to breastfeed immediately after birth and keep my baby with me in our room at all times.

At 36 weeks I was allowed to do some walking and go on a few outings. This happened to fall on Valentine’s weekend, which allowed for Jeremy and I to go out to dinner. Valentine’s day was a goal we set in those early weeks of December when an entire trimester flat on my back seemed like the impossible. Jeremy was in his last graded rotation of medical school and it was completely unforgiving with time off. We were hoping to keep our little one in until the week of February 20th. We chose to stay on tocolysis (medication keeping my contractions at bay) until 37 weeks with the understanding that if full labor presented itself - at that point there would be no more intervention. I took my last dose of Procardia on Saturday night, February 20th – 57 hours later my water broke.

Snow and Showers

So much has been going on all around me, I can barely keep up.

Last Thursday, we put our house on the market, all of my husband's efforts to clean and remodel our home turned out beautifully. We're living in a home that looks more like a crate and barrel show room than an actual house. We don't know where any of our stuff is packed/hidden - but we're managing.

Friday, we had our 35 week appointment and we were still holding steady, much to Dr. K's surprise. I gained another 2 lbs so I'm up a total of 21 pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. His head is down, and was further down than last week - so he's getting ready. I'm 50% effaced and my cervix is closed.

Saturday, our childbirth class was canceled due to snow, but we did have our first house showing. Me and kitty waited in the car while Jeremy ran errands and strangers lurked around in our home.

Sunday, my mom hosted a wonderful baby shower at our house. I was actually quite overwhelmed as I haven't talked to more than two people at a time in over eight weeks now. It was so nice to see so many of my friends and co workers. We received lots of gear for our little cub and were so happy and thankful at the end of the day.

Monday, we had two more house showings, a second look for the Saturday person and an older couple. Jeremy, mom and I ventured out in the car with the cat. We ate dinner at BW3's and it was SO NICE to eat hot food SITTING UP at an actual restaurant (while our cat froze into a kitty popsicle in the car).

Yesterday, we received an offer on the house from the Saturday guy. The offer was lower than we wanted and asked that we be out by March 26th. With a closed cervix and a due date of March 11th - I'm not going to risk being homeless with a newborn OR a possible nervous breakdown just to unload this house on the first schmuck to walk through it. Let's hope more offers come in.

At 33.5 weeks, we packed me up in the car to drive across town and have our wedding photographer (and friend) Sandra Reed do a maternity session with us. We had talked about doing this long before I went on bed rest. She herself was on bed rest with her last child and knows how hard it is. She and her husband Shad found a studio without stairs, and accommodated me with a couch to lay on in between shots. I've posted some of our sneak peeks and it brings tears to my eyes to have such beautiful images of us awaiting our little one.

We've been snowed in for two days. It's still snowing. The good news is, those little neighbor kids shoveled our driveway and sidewalk again yesterday for a ridiculously low price. We're not going to challenge the going rate for child labor around here...just question their entrepreneurial futures :)

Tomorrow, I will be 36 weeks pregnant. Jeremy promises to take a picture of my belly very soon (it's getting BIG!) Our childbirth class is rescheduled for Saturday. My husband and I have a romantic Valentine's Day planned at a fondue restaurant and I might just take advantage of my laxed bed rest privileges to venture out for a massage! I'll continue with modified bed rest and stay on my meds until 37 weeks, hoping to buy ourselves a little more time since Jeremy's rotation is being so inflexible with him.

All the while, we'll continue to show our house, wash tiny clothes and get even closer to a full term baby.

Now THAT'S and update.

THIRTY-FIVE.

Today I am THIRTY-FIVE weeks pregnant with THIRTY-FIVE days to go.

Thirty-five days.

Wow.

In thirty-five days or less, we will meet our beautiful baby boy for the very first time.

In thirty-five days or less, I will become a mother.

In thirty-five days or less, I will watch in awe as my husband cuddles his son.

We will fall madly in love.

We will be family of three.

In thirty-five days or less, all of the anticipation of the past nine months will be behind us.

In thirty-five days or less, we'll witness a miracle.

and in thirty-five days or less, all of our hopes and dreams will continue to play out right before our very eyes.

Now tell me, what do you have in store for the next thirty-five days? Because I bet in the excitement department... we've got you beat.

We can all take a deep breath

Today we are 34 weeks pregnant! If I were to go into labor, doctors would no longer attempt to delay things to give steroids. Our baby's lungs are developed and at most may need some supplementation with surfactant. I was tickled this morning when I opened my email, "Your Pregnancy: 34 Weeks" and it said this:

If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

We still want this little ninja to stay put, but at least this puts my mind at ease a bit. Speaking of staying put, we had our weekly appointment with Dr. K and he said things are THE SAME! Can you believe it? We've been holding steady at the exact same cervical consistency for three weeks now! I gained another three pounds in the last ten days (ahem, yikes) but I measured a little over 35 weeks and Dr. K was quite pleased.

We also had our breastfeeding crash course today, which was very helpful. We learned how to position a fake baby and more detail than you can imagine about nipple glands. She also told us that when the delivery is uneventful and the baby looks good they will lay the baby on your chest immediately after cutting the cord and then cover him with warm blankets. This helps mom/baby bond and allows for an easy transition when baby is ready to feed. Of course our goal is a healthy baby, and even if we have NICU/C-section/APGAR issues we'll work through them - but we're going to look at this as a bonus possibility. If we are able to have newborn slippery cuddle time, one more plus to the whole experience.

We asked Dr. K if this was something he approved of and, in usual Dr. K fashion, this is the response we got:

"Sure you can do that if you want - most moms just want them wrapped up and put in the french fry warmer for a bit."

This was right after he told us he usually isn't off on a baby's weight by more than five pounds.

Thankfully, he doesn't charge us extra for the sass! Lucky us.

You know you're a scuzzy hot mess bed rest mamma when...

Your mom calls you on Skype
and the first thing she says when she sees you via fuzzy video cam is,

"Wow you have a headband on today! Fancy!"

She didn't even notice I shaved my legs and put on fresh undies this morning :)

Holding steady with a massive brick and side of carbs

Another successful appointment today with Dr. K. My cervix is still very soft, but again only minor dimpling. I've had to double up on my medicine the last few days to slow the contractions, but he is hopeful I can make it a few more weeks like this. The baby is measuring 33.5 weeks, so he is very happy with his growth. I also gained another 2.5 pounds last week (my first YIKES! moment on the scale), so I'm up about 15 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight.

Dr. K did say that he thinks once the medicine stops working, I'll probably progress fairly quickly. He said he is hoping to get me to 36/37 weeks on tocolysis but if I go into full labor at 35 he'll probably just let me deliver, rather than putting me on inpatient magnesium. We have about ten days left until optimal lung maturity, so things are looking hopeful.

We're really hoping to get to the end of February. February is Jeremy's last mandatory rotation, Neurology, and the attendance policy is very strict. He is only allowed to miss two excused days (including medical) or else the entire month has to be remediated. This late in the game, making up time is next to impossible and they could withhold his May diploma - thus making it impossible to start residency. The impending baby scenario has fallen on deaf ears, and to further complicate things he was placed at a site 45 minutes away from our house. Flexible right? About as flexible as the brick I'm going to use to pound someone crazy ninja style if he misses the birth of our son or they try to fail him. And, for the record, when it comes to pregnant women there's no such thing as an idle threat. NINJA BRICK FIGHTING I TELL YOU!

I kind of have it in my mind that this little one will come on February 25th. Not sure why, but I do. Which would be pretty darn okay with both of us, except for in our little world of trying to make the best of what's handed to us, things don't usually work out the way we think they will, so we'll see.

Speaking of taking what's handed to us... we find out our residency match ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! The suspense is mounting with each passing day and the only thing keeping us sane is inhaling massive amounts of double-stuffed Oreos and ice cream sandwiches. Fondly referred to by my husband as "breakfast sandwiches."

Put away the scale and let the countdowns begin!

A goal is a dream with a deadline

Today we are 32 weeks pregnant! And while 32 weeks is miles ahead of the fearful 27 weeker we were threatened with, we have our sites set on 36 with dreams of 38. At the beginning of my pregnancy the weeks just passed us by, skipping along quietly with little notice - seemingly just a number to subtract from 40 all the while bringing us closer to something we still can't imagine in our wildest dreams. Do I dare think we took those weeks for granted? Did I pray enough? Was I thankful when things were uneventful to carry us through when times got tough? We looked forward to 13 weeks as the end of the first trimester and 20 weeks for our ultrasound but nothing like the strain of the last 31 days and the tiny thank you prayers my heart cries every Thursday morning.

This morning before Jeremy left for the hospital he untucked my covers, kissed my belly and whispered, "Happy 32 weeks baby"

My sleepy heart cried and melted at the very same time. And then I prayed for 33.

My husband still thinks I'm sexy and I swear he's not blind

Monday's are exciting for me, mostly because I get to leave the house for my doctor appointment. It's the one day of the week that I brush the tangles out of my hair and strap my enormous breasts into a bra for a car ride. I even kicked it up a notch today by spreading on some mascara and eyeliner for the first time in almost two months AND topped it off with a little squirt of perfume. Fancy dancy!

We had another successful appointment today, Dr. K says we're still holding tight at status quo. He even said that my cervix felt slightly more closed. Hey, I'll take any little bits of good news I can get. I also gained TWO pounds since last week bringing my grand pregnancy total to .... TWELVE POUNDS! Go me! Go Baby! I've been on bed rest for about four weeks now and we have four more to go, I'm beginning to think I can do this.

I got a little boost of hope today when I read that my blog friend Megan gave birth to a beautiful little boy at 36w2d. She was put on bed rest at the same point in her pregnancy as me, was in and out of the hospital with preterm contractions and she was exactly five weeks ahead of me. She gave birth 20 hours after being taken off her medication, but not before enjoying her freedom from bed rest with a haircut and one last romantic dinner out with her husband, just the two of them.

If I'm lucky enough to be set free from bed-jail, after I've cooked this little one up real good, I want to:

Get a haircut (my bangs are MEGA OUT OF CONTROL)

Get a pedicure (my husband is currently cutting my toe nails. Yes. I'm completely serious.)

Eat Thai food AT THE RESTAURANT with my darling husband

Wish me luck!

31 weeks

Dear baby,

Well my sweet little one, we've had a rough couple of weeks. Seems Mamma's body wasn't cooperating the way it should be, but that hasn't phased you at all. You are still healthy and growing just as you should be. I'm taking it easy now to give you some time to grow big and strong. I just need you to be patient, and forgive my little uterine squeezes every now and then. Think of it as me giving you little hugs throughout the day.

I want you to know that all of the worry and boredom in the world is worth having the time to let you grow. We're not done with our journey, you and I. I am just getting used to your little stretches and kicks. They get stronger every day. I look down all the time to admire my growing belly and I rub your bottom when you stick it way up in the air and make a mishapen mountain out of my abdomen. You are so active, kicking and punching from the time I wake up to the time I drift off to sleep at night. You have lots of hiccups too, 5-6 times a day I can feel your body rise and fall with little blips.

Your Daddy and I lay in bed at night and watch you move, amazed that you're in there. We wonder what you'll be like when we finally meet you. Will you have all those hiccups on the outside? We think about your little nose and ears and rubbing your soft belly. We talk about snuggling you and how adorable you will look in all of the little outfits we have ready for you. More than anything we think about how much more complete our life will be once you are here and about how the three of us will be a family. But good things come to those who wait, and you little one are worth waiting for. And besides, I'm not quite ready to share you with the big world. Those grandparents are going to gobble you right up, I might have to take turns holding you! I know its selfish, but I want to keep you just for me right now. My sweet boy, please take your time - grow big healthy lungs and add some chub to those cheeks for Mamma to nuzzle. Not a second goes by that I don't think about you and wish for you to be healthy and strong - harder than I've ever wished for anything in my entire life.

Thank you for the hiccups and the punches and for being my brave little man. We're getting there one day at a time and in the mean time I'm going to treasure my days with you inside, where I can keep you safe and warm.

Love,
Mamma

Doctor update 30w 4d

We had an appointment today with Dr. K. He was hoping that the cervical length the resident measured was true, but he remained skeptical. I got the works today, internal exam, speculum exam, internal ultrasound and external ultrasound. He wanted to double check everything. Unfortunately, my cervix was still very soft and dilated to about a fingertip. I have a posterior cervix so that makes it a bit difficult to access and measure. From what he could tell on the ultrasound, it was mismeasured by the resident and doesn't have much length at all (1.3cm). His head is down and there is a small amount of funneling. Slight funneling means that the inside rim of the cervix is beginning to dilate a bit. It MAY be an indicator of the higher risk of pre-term labor, but many women have some slight funneling at 30-34 of pregnancy.

He said overall there haven't been any significant changes since I came home to full bed rest. So as long as we keep up with that and the anti-contraction meds we should be able to buy ourselves the weeks we need.

Every time Thursday comes around we'll thank our lucky stars that he's an inside baby. Here's to stable news, and Thursdays, and sweet little boys and puppy dog tails.

**On an unrelated note we submitted our match list! Now we wait three long weeks and then a computer will work it's magic to determine our fate. So many things are out of our hands right now, but lots to look forward to as well!!**

Twas the Night Before Christmas

and I was having lots of contractions. We called Dr. K, who IS ON VACATION UNTIL JANUARY 4th, and he told me to take my Procardia early (every 6 hrs rather than 8 hrs) and if it stopped the contractions within a half hour we didn't need to go to the hospital. This worked well, and allowed us to spend a lazy holiday with my family. We missed out on festivities in DC and Tennessee - but had a memorable holiday none the less, focusing on our most important gift right now.

Unfortunately, last night our luck ran out and around 4pm I started having contractions. They picked up, so I took my medication early around 745pm. Still not stopping. So after we scarfed down the turkey chili that Jeremy made, he cleaned up dinner, packed a bag and loaded us in the car. The roads were a little slick, and I've never seen him drive with such unabashed determination and caution.

When we arrived at the hospital we were sent directly to the perinatal triage area where they hooked me and baby up to monitors. Our little boy was thumping along in there, totally unphased by his mamma's uterine squeezes! My contractions were bothersome and in no way painful but definitely consistent. As each peak quickly approached on the monitor, we became more and more scared and tearful. Since Dr. K was out of town, the perinatologist on call for him determined that I needed a turbutaline injection to try to stop the contractions and a cervical length check. The doctor was trying to avoid coming in and when we heard the nurse say, "Okay so a resident will do the cervical check." Jeremy pipped up with "There are certain residents at this hospital who are not laying a finger on my wife." He asked for the Chief resident to care for us, otherwise we would wait for the doctor to come in herself.

The turbutaline made my heart race and my skin flush. I was trying to catch my breath and sob at the same time and could tell just how hard it was for Jeremy to stay strong for me when his mind was filled with fear and uncertainty as well. The Chief came in, remembered Jeremy and was happy to help us. She explained how we would proceed with an internal ultrasound to determine if the contractions were causing cervical changes and if I was in true labor. If so, they would do everything they could to stop it, giving us time for steroid injections to boost his lung development.

The ultrasound showed that I still have a good cervical length, and no funneling. His little head was down but there was little no shortening of the canal. The machine was brand new, so it was easy for us to see everything she measured. She felt confident that the contractions were not true labor and we could go home, especially since the turbutaline seemed to halt whatever contractions I was having.

Before she left, she honored a special request to see our little boy (scrotum and all) on the external ultrasound. We haven't seen him for over ten weeks, and that little peak helped give us the boost of hope that we needed. His tiny feet were crossed and tucked up under my right ribs (thanks for the bruising little one!) and his hands were in front of his face. He measured right on target for almost 30 weeks and that little monkey weighs 3 pounds 5 ounces already! They sent me home, back to bed rest and procardia with an appointment to see Dr. K next Monday. As long as I don't have bleeding or painful contractions - and stay on bed rest - we're hanging tight.

We drove home at 12:30am and I think we took what felt like the first deep breaths we've had in weeks. Our pregnancy with this wee one has made the two of us question the finite realm of science, while beginning to trust the infinite possibilities of faith.

And before I drifted off to sleep last night, all I could think about was that your prayers are working just as hard as my little body. And I'm thankful, truly, truly thankful for both.

When your wife gives you lemons

Yesterday the doctor gave us some encouraging news, there have been no changes since I was released from the hospital. He said I am responding well to the medicine and hopefully we'll remain like this for quite some time. I see him again on January 4th.

Then he told me I look like hell. What do you expect from a girl on bed rest with a cough,snotty nose and pink eye in BOTH eyes? He asked if I was taking plenty of cold medicine and Jeremy blabbed that I will only take half a dose. To which Dr. K replied:

"Do you want to cough out your baby?"

I explained that I was nervous to put all that stuff in my system and he reminded me that I am in my third trimester - my baby has ONE head and TEN toes and the only thing we're waiting on is for him to get bigger. So I've succumbed to being totally dosed up on cold medicine to avoid coughing out my precious little boy.

I'm sure most of you know this, but being pregnant and modesty do not coincide. The mere thought that I consent to having my cervix palpated every week despite the fact that I haven't shaved my legs since I HAVE NO CLUE WHEN. But Jeremy said that doctors see MUCH worse than amazon legs and he assures me I won't be judged. In my defense, I can't even see the tops of my thighs, let alone reach my ankles. And while our hospital stay was filled with lots of tears, we did laugh a little, mostly at my expense. We laughed about how my pee was being collected in a little hat and was on display for everyone to critique. We laughed about how the hospital gown was so big I could have fit two more people in there with me. Oh and I about laughed my baby out when Jeremy had to give me a shower! I sat on a stool in this really small shower with one of my hands covered in rubber gloves to protect my IV, so he figured it would be easier/safer if he just got in to wash me.

And if you're thinking that this is where the kinky part of the story begins, you are reading the wrong person's blog. Instead, the water temperature was totally messed up and would intermittently come out scalding hot and burn us while I screamed, "Hot! No, too hot, don't squirt me there!" Jeremy apparently has seen entirely too many Herbal Essence commercials and insisted on piling all of my hair on top of my head and scrubbing it wildly into a matted knot. But the worse part was when I had to pee, SITTING DOWN ON A GERIATRIC SHOWER CHAIR and he started dancing around yelling, "Not on my feet! Not on my feet!" We were laughing so hard we almost fell into the nurses call bar, which we were specifically instructed NOT TO TOUCH as it would send no less than five people rushing into the bathroom to crash our family scrub session.

Apparently my mom and our nurse were outside the door laughing at the sounds coming from our charade. And although it was a far cry from the steamy, romantic shower scenes in the movies - it was our way of coping, and smiling, and being together for better or for worse. Pee feet included.