Boundless Joy

 My guy is very serious. He's a thinker and since he was a wee one, rarely giggles. When he plays with this dryer I see radiant happiness. I find myself wishing I saw these glimpses every day but that would mean changing who he is. So I stand and watch these moments in awe knowing he is a happy boy who is sensitive to everything around him. I want him to remember when his heart is heavy to stop and feel the wind up his nose and smile. I love him with all that I am and my heart has a special corner that is reserved for only him.

 {Owen and his best friend William enjoying the dryers at the Children's Museum}

{From June 16 2013}

Today you are THREE.

Dearest Owen,

Two was a remarkable year. In two you shed every lingering minute of babyness in a sprint towards being a kid. We saw the world through your eyes and everything was new and exciting for us all.

At the beginning of two you still nursed to sleep in my arms. I rocked you in the calm of your room and watched your lashes flutter as you slept. You weaned and that last nursing session will be with me forever. I thought perhaps you'd need me less, when in fact you needed me more. Anytime you were scared, tired or frustrated you would climb on my lap and your warm cheeks would find their place on my skin, just under my collar bone. And we rocked and rocked.

As my belly swelled with signs of your brother, you and I had the most beautiful summer I've ever had in my entire life.

You learned to run, skip and jump.

You learned to sing. SO MUCH SINGING.

You asked "why?" so many times my head would spin. But I felt more and more like instead of talking at you, I was talking with you. We were a little team and you narrated my every move, never missing a step.

In the middle of two you were forced to share my time and my patience, but not my love. This was a hard transition for all of us. Thankfully you adore your baby brother and you are quite possibly his favorite person in the whole wide world. You tested our love with tears and strong will. You shut us out and begged for us to be closer all at once. In the the months after bringing Gillen home, at night we spoke only of you. We worried and questioned because you were the one we knew best, the one who could tell us and show us that you were hurting. You are the one who made us parents. I birthed and fed and cared for your brother effortlessly, because you taught me to be a mother.

And yet, I'm still learning. We're both learning.

I don't know if it was two or the birth of your brother, but you grew into something more. Someone bigger and brighter. Your words are miles ahead of your heart and I often forget there are traces of you that are still so small and unknowing. The days are long when we butt heads at every turn, and I'm sure there are many more to come. You are finding your place and I have to weave a web of limits and freedoms for you to live in. Everyday you make me examine myself, my entire lifetime of how I love and have been loved, so that I can translate through my words and actions the kind of person I want to raise you to be.

You still ask to be rocked every night. Stories are by far your favorite thing in the world and you will sit and listen to books for hours. You have friendships and imagination, determination and wit. In the months leading up to your third birthday you decided you wanted to use the potty and never looked back. There was no incentive, no training - just as you have since you were an infant, you decided what and when you will achieve a milestone. If there were an owners manual for you it would say this: "Owen will do [_______ ] when he is ready, not a moment sooner. Don't fret."

I wish you could remember how much and how hard I loved you this year. I wish you could know how much you've changed me. How comfortable I am in my skin because every day I revel in being your Mama. You won't remember these moments but they are shaping who you will become. Keep your gentle spirit, your independent will and your scrunchy nose smile. They will take you places when I no longer do.

I love you more than all of the stars in the sky. All the stars.

Mama

More thoughts on three years of motherhood here at Kveller.com

Owen David: 32 Months

Dearest Owen,

These might just be your two favorite things right now, "cozy jammies" and tools (well, and Curious George). You insist on wearing fleece pants around the house, for nap and for bedtime. It is becoming impossible for me to keep them laundered and in your drawer. You LOVE tools right now. We finally found you a drill that works [one of your many Big Brother presents] and you run out to the playroom first thing in the morning to get to work with your tools. You hammer your crib "fixing it" and screw in these screws endlessly throughout the day.

This has also been our most challenging month to date. You have come into your own as a toddler and terrible twos have entered our house like none other. It's hard to know how much of it is your struggle with Gillen's arrival and how much of it is just being two but it has been so hard for me.  Last week your tantrums, cries, and general disagreement brought me to tears every single night. I wondered if bringing home Gillen had changed our relationship and honestly struggled to remember the happy boy I spoiled to death the week before his birth. People tell me that this too shall pass, and I'm trying not to wish our days away but I want nothing more than for you to wake with happy smiles rather than tears and tantrums. I want you to settle in bed before midnight and eat something other than green beans and peanut butter.

But then you - with your two and a half years of life - amaze me with your insight, your comprehensive vocabulary and understanding of what we say. When we talk you always ask if there is one word you don't understand. The other day you asked your daddy, "What is a customer?"  -- such hard questions from you! "Why?" is your favorite question right now and you are facinated with how things work. The other day you pointed to the wheels of our car as we were getting in and said, "When the car starts these wheels are going to spin around." Yes. Yes they are. You start conversations with strangers and always begin by asking them, "Are YOU a big brother?" (even if you're talking to a lady :)) You tell them your name is Owen, you are three (which you are not, my love) and that you have a baby brother named Gillen. I love this so much about you and it makes me so happy when strangers engage you in conversation.

You are a wonderful big brother.You've all but stopped asking if we can take baby Gil back to the hospital and I think you have forgotten what it was like without him. Whenever you talk about our family, you include your brother. It melts me. When your brother is screaming in the car, as he often does, we ask you to hold his hand. You usually answer with, "I'd be happy to" and he quiets down immediately. It's amazing really. You are a loving and devoted big brother. I am so incredibly proud of you.

Two and a half is hard and wonderful. I guess that describes parenthood for the most part. You are still my baby and my heart aches for you when we are apart. Let's make a deal - I promise to keep those cozy pants clean if you promise to take it easy on my Mama heart and limit yourself to two tantrums a day.

Two I can handle. As long as the rest of the day is filled with your hugs and smiles.

Forever and ever I love you more than all of the stars in the sky. All of them.

Mama

31 Months: Owen, My Great Love

Dearest Owen,

The day I left for the hospital to have your brother you were still my baby. I cradled you in my arms and kissed your soft cheeks. The moment he was born, he was the baby and you were --bigger. You were so big, and tall and grown when I saw you next. I left to have a baby and you grew into a big brother overnight. Your suntanned legs, complete with scrapes. Your tasseled hair and rose-colored cheeks. Your ability to talk from sun-up to sunset. Little to no resemblance of baby left in you, it was only in the way that I saw you. As if you had never changed from the moment I met you and now somehow you've grown leaps and bounds in an instant. But in reality everything is the same, I'm just learning to see my two children. A baby and a boy. Brothers. My greatest accomplishments.

All of my tears since the birth of your brother have been for you. I know the insides and out of your gentle spirit. I know that you are struggling as a try to know him too. It all must seem so unfair. You've shown me in your own sensitive way just how much you miss being the center of my universe. How having my divided attention is not the same as having it all. It's hard on me too. I miss the days I lived to make you smile. And this face in the picture is one I see more often than not right now. You've always known your place in our family and it pains me to see you struggle to find where you fit again. I'm trying to be gentle and mindful of how the world must look to you now. How hard it must be for you. I guess we're both trying to be patient with each other. 

You have been so sweet to your brother. Every morning when I come into your room you ask, "What is baby Gil doing?" and later in the day you ask me when we're bringing him back to the hospital. I tell you he's here to stay. You ask again the next day, just to be sure. When he coos you tell me he is making "butterfly noises" and I cannot think of a more perfect way to describe it. You've been incredibly patient and you've found your special place tucked up next to me while I nurse him. Books have allowed me to tend to you while feeding him. You ask when he can play with you, I assure you that one day he will. Until then, you show him your favorite trucks and you kiss his head. You occasionally throw a cup at his bouncer or put a stuffed toy on his face while he's sleeping. We're working on it.

I already know how to love and care for a newborn, you taught me that. I'm still figuring out what a two and a half year old needs from me. You will always be my test subject for parenthood and I apologize for all my stumbles and imperfection. But one thing will never change, you will always be my first. You are my Great Love. At night when your brother is asleep, I come into your room. I cover you up and push the hair from your face. I want to climb into your crib and hold you close. I want you to know how much you matter. How hard I am trying to make this work. When you are sleeping, you're not pushing back. You are my baby again. I love you so much it hurts and giving you a brother, while it seems so unjust at the moment, is a gift I know you'll come to cherish. You will be his Great Love, too. He will want nothing more than to be like you, play with you, follow your every move and word. Time will wash away your memories of just the three of us, but I will always have them. I will keep them tucked inside my heart and I'll share them with you when ever you want. But I'll also let you forget. I'll let you forget so that you can learn to share my love and be a big brother. Because one day soon, playing with him will bring you more joy than playing with me. I've given you a partner in crime, a roommate and a buddy. You loving each other will be the ultimate reward, for all of us.

You made me a Mama, you changed every fiber of my being for the better. I'll love you harder, to make it easier and we'll find our new us soon. The four of us. A Mama, a Daddy, a boy and a baby. My beautiful family.

Owen, I love you more than all of the stars in the sky and I'll remind you if ever you forget it.

Mama

23 Months Old

Dearest Owen,

How are you almost TWO?! Almost two years ago you blessed us with your presence and we haven't taken our eyes off you since. Where did the time go? Two sounds too old to me, because in my eyes you are still my baby. So for this month, for this entire month, you are ONE. Just one. And if anyone asks you, you are sure to tell them - I'm ONE!

You have changed so much over the past few months. We've been enjoying a lot of down time with your Daddy and he and I have been marveling at all you do. You (finally!) started drinking whole milk for us, although you still nurse three times a day. You have dropped your baby signs and now tell us quite pointedly what you want and when you want it. We are blown away by how verbal you are and how you remember so many of the things we tell you.  A few weeks ago we were all snuggling on our bed and you said, "Kitties feet are paws!"  Daddy and I looked at each other in amazement. Yes, Owen, Kitties feet ARE paws!  Daddy came home from work and asked what we did all day and you said, "Mama ga-mooned (vacuumed) all morning!"  We had to giggle because I DID NOT vacuum that day but it was nice of you to put in a good word for me in the chores department.

You continue to be a cautious observer at the playground and in social situations, although you like to get right up close to other children to observe them. You will share anything you have with another child and your gentle spirit makes my heart swoon.

You love to listen to music and to sing songs. I've heard you sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" "Pat-a-cake" and "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" to yourself, complete with hand motions! You request that we sing to you too, especially, "Happy Day Song!" Which while we have no idea what this actually means, you're quite satisfied if we sing you "Happy Birthday" and repeat it a million times over. We read 15-20 books a day. Mostly the same dozen books over and over but you've been letting me introduce some new stuff into our mix.

You love going to the Children's Museum and "pinting!" (painting) and you also enjoy playing at the Toy Lending Library.

We introduced the potty and you've peed in it twice, and accidentally pooped once. You should have seen your face when you tooted only to turn around and find a small turd in the pot! You looked at me and said, "Treat?" and I had to give in because technically, it counts. You still arn't sure about the whole potty thing and we've been careful not to push it with you. We'll keep it working on it.

This month has brought lots of big emotions too. Instant tears if you don't get your way or are a little too tired. We haven't started "time out" yet because we don't feel you understand the concept, but we do try to point out what you are doing wrong and ask you to apologize for your behavior. To which you reply, "Saw-yee" :) The other day you were having lots of tears over something very trivial and I heard your Daddy say to you, "Sometimes little boys have BIG feelings, and that's okay."  We're doing our best with this new stage and I can honestly say I couldn't have a better partner to weather the storm with.

You have requested an "Oh My Dinosaurs" theme for your 2nd birthday party so I'll be spending the next month working on that. I look at this picture from a year ago and I simply cannot believe my eyes! In the pictures you are so very different. So grown up and such a beautiful boy. But in my eyes and in my arms you are exactly the same as you've always been, my perfect baby Owen.

All my love,

Mama

January 2011

January 2012

Twenty Months

Since the day you were laid on my chest, fresh from the womb, I can be brought to tears in a moment with you. The first time you latched on my breast to nurse all on your own, I sobbed with joy. The first time you popped off to smile up at me a milky, "thank you, Mama" smile, there were tears. The first time your Daddy and I heard your baby giggle, we both cried sappy parent cries.

And again this month, my love, this month made my heart swell almost as big as the moment you were born. After reading stories with your Daddy, I came in to put you to bed.

Daddy: "Owen, what do want to tell Mama?"

You: "I love you, Mama."

You don't know what this means yet, but just hearing you say it reinforces for me how motherhood has been my greatest and proudest endevour, and will be for my lifetime.

These tearful moments, all of my 20-months worth of moments with you, have been a cherished blessing.

xoxox

Nineteen Months And Counting!

Dearest Owen,

Today, my dear, you turned 19 months old. You overflow with sweetness and curiosity. New words spill effortlessly from your lips every day. You've started to pretend play, and love to wear things as a "hat!"  You call the kitty by name, "Har-yeee!" and everything is "Hot!" (even when its cold :)) You've outgrown two pairs of shoes this month and your new haircut lets your boy-ness shine through, as your babyness slowly drifts away. You exclaim, "Wow-wee!" and "Oh, NO!" with such emphasis that it cracks us up every time.

The other day your Daddy and I were talking about what an absolute joy you are. Daddy has been having a particularly hard time at work and he told me,

"I'm so lucky to I have this to come home to. I was thinking about how seeing Owen is the only time I smile all day. It isn't possible to see him and not smile. I smile just thinking about him."

You are the source of so much joy, my boy.  Your nose-wrinkle-smile has captured the hearts of many, but our hearts will always be the first to know your incredible sweetness.

My love is boundless,
Mama

A Year and a Half

 Dearest Owen,

You are growing and changing with leaps and bounds these days, I cannot even wrap my brain around all you've done and said since last I wrote. Everyday I hear new words spoken with your tiny voice, some clear and perfect - others your own little version that melt my heart. Just last week you started saying your name, "Oooo-wah" even though you can pronounce the letter "O" perfectly, you've chosen to call yourself "Ooo-wah" and that's totally cool with us.

At 16+ months you started walking and eating and you haven't stopped! You eat three full meals and a snack at the table in addition to nursing 4 times a day. You wake up each morning between 7:30-8:30am. We go on an outing to the zoo, park, pool or play date and then home for lunch. You nap in the afternoon from 1-4 and you go to bed around 8:30pm. Your favorite foods are meatballs, blueberries, peaches "pee, pees", graham crackers "cookie!" and Greek yogurt. Two days ago you ate a PB&J sandwich for the first time and you looked more like a little boy than I've ever seen. You are very stubborn when it comes to drinks and will only accept water in your straw cup. You only take you milk from the tap and you refuse to drink juice.

You are enamored with the fire truck across the street and I must say that I am so happy when there is a fire call because watching you rush to the window in excitement as the truck pulls out of the bay and turns on the lights, makes my heart soar. You wait until its out of sight before you climb down and tell me about your "woo, woo ta" and when the truck pulls back in and closes the doors you tell me that your "woo, woo ta" is "night, night"

With changes, come challenges for us my boy. You are exerting your independence and your emotions run high. You want my complete and total attention 100% of the time. You have grown increasingly attached to me over the past few weeks and I cannot even leave the room without complete hysterics. My days of successfully leaving you while I work out are gone, and now we're working our way back to 20 minutes apart.

Daddy has had a rough couple of months at work, and his job keeps him away from you more and more these days. After weeks without seeing him, he is a stranger to you and we have to take baby steps to reintegrate him into our routine. I know this is hard for you, and its hard for him too, for all of us. These are the days that I am thankful the only memory you'll have of this time is through these letters. I want you to remember our days together, how much we laugh and how completely in love with you I am - but I don't want you to remember how much we miss your Daddy right now. I am comforted because by the time you do remember, he will be tucking you in every night, and teaching you to ride a bike or skip a rock. The sacrifices we're making now are nothing compared to the lifetime we have together.

Your hair is long and summer blonde, your legs are lean and your teeth are perfectly straight. The way you say, "Mama" is the sweetest sound I've ever heard. The joy (and frustration) I feel on a daily basis are visceral and my role as your Mama is always the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last thing before I sleep at night. Our days are strung full of precious moments where we learn about one another. You show me more and more of your shining personality every day - you are sweet, and kind, thoughtful and fearful. With your Daddy's caution and your Mama's words, you are the perfect blend of the two of us.

Living with a toddler adds so many more dimensions to the day -- there are tampons in the shower, toy horses in the dishwasher, cheerios in my bra and with each unexpected turn, a smile on my face.

You make me want to have a million babies, but for now, my heart is all yours.

I love you "Ooo-wah" every second of every day.

Mama

Seventeen Months Old

Dearest Owen,

These summer days together have been so wonderful. Every morning we wake up with cuddles and oatmeal (or waffles, or yogurt, and always, always "boo-baa-bas") and we head out for our daily adventure.

I slather sunscreen "lotion" on each of us while I sing a silly song. We make sure your hat is packed "hat!" and we put ice cold water in our water bottles. We go to the library, or to the pool, or to the park, or to the Children's Museum. We meet up with different friends, or host playgroup. Sometimes we just take a walk to the post office, the grocery or the bank. Your little toes dance in the wind and we can't help but stop to share some frozen yogurt together on the way home.

Sometimes we pack snacks or meet friends but usually we head home for lunch and soon after you're nursing to sleep in your dark, cool room with the fan blowing and soft music lulling us both to sleep. This is my favorite part of the day, I soak you in and rock in the stillness, the babyness, of your room.

You and I have sunkissed arms and cheeks.We're both hesitant to step into the cool pool water, and I always go first. You would swing at the park for hours if I let you and are getting braver and more adventurous with every step you take. Each night I bathe you in the tub and wash away the smells of sweat and summer and replace it with the scent of honey and milk. I lay you down and you blow me a kiss. You close your eyes, and dream.

I can honestly say this is the most perfect summer I've had in a long, long time.

Because of you.

xo,
Mama

Sixteen Months Old (...and one week)

Dearest Owen,

So many of our friends and family refer to you as "baby Owen" and while you will always be my baby and I still get glimpses of your babyness when I cuddle you close, you're becoming more of a little boy with each passing day. This past month - even the last week - have brought so much growth and development for you. YOU FINALLY WALKED!! I know I claimed to be patient and comfortable about letting you reach each milestone in your own time but your walking was a huge hang up for me. I was ready for you to be upright and exploring your world. I was eager for "baby Owen" to be able to join in at the park and not have to lag behind on the swings because you are the smallest. I was so ready for you to stop crawling around on every gross surface, carpet and floor examining "yuckies" to put in your mouth.  And then one day you walked across the room, with no fan fair and probably ten consecutive steps, so confidently, as if you'd been doing it all along. Your Daddy and I rushed around for the camera and managed to get a repeat performance for posterity's sake (and your adoring fans).  It took you a few weeks to realize that walking truly is more efficient than crawling and this past week you have been exclusively walking. At home, at the park. You've even been climbing stairs!

Mobility has brought a new-found sense of independence for you and with it, temper tantrums. If I don't let you brush your teeth/stay at the park/brush your teeth/walk near dangerous things or brush your teeth you drop into a pile of baby mush and scream at the top of your lungs. Diaper changes are a wrestling match between the two of us and 50% of the time you win. I'd like to tell you its sweet but honestly, it makes me want to give myself a "time-out." We are entering into new territory and I need to bring my "A" game for you. I need to let you explore but set limits and be firm but loving when you protest.

You are more aware than ever before and you amaze us with your perception and social grace. You say, or attempt to say so many words now. Your Papa bought you a Mr. Potato Head and the moment he took it out of the box, you removed the hat and exclaimed "at!" and then pretended to put the tiny plastic hat on your head. You've never said hat before and now you actually enjoy wearing your own hats (a battle I've been fighting with you for weeks now) so I am most appreciative to Mr. Potato Head for encouraging my fair-skinned boy to protect his little noggin from the sun.

Your teeth are perfectly straight and you wrinkle up your nose when you smile, exactly like I do. You have thick, dark eyelashes that flip up and flutter when you blink.  Your legs are still lanky but your fingers are chubby and sun-kissed from the early days of summer. Your hair is a light strawberry blonde and curls up in the back and over your ears. No matter how many people ask if you are a girl, your Daddy and I cannot part with those baby curls. 

I wish I could remember all of the things you've done this month but its honestly been so many I can barely keep track.

• You point to your nose, ears, eyes, hair, toes, mouth and belly button
• Your Daddy taught you to play with the shape sorter and you figured it out in one afternoon!
• You stack blocks and cups and make airplane and car noises with your toys.
• You love to sit in your playroom and "read" independently.
• You eat whatever we're eating and drink from a straw cup without handles (the package said 2yrs and up!)
• You say, "shhhs" (shoes) "at" (hat) "cool" (school) "boo-baba" (blueberry) "kickers" (crackers) "ba" (ball) "chzzzzz"(cheese) "sar" (star) "eye" "tee" (teeth)  "tee" (tree) and "tee" (three). 
• You also say, "Papa" and "Nana" and they were just tickled when you asked for them by name 
• For some reason you refuse to say, "moo" anymore but you do say that the frog says, "mmm mmm"  
• Whenever we ask you to say, "Owen"  you say, "Dada." 
• You used to hold up one finger when we asked you how old you are. Now you hold up three fingers and say, "tee"
• You love to hear us count and sing the alphabet
• You love to dance and listen to music and just last week we heard you "singing" to yourself in the car (*I melt*)
• In addition to your sloppy, open-mouth kisses, you give the most wonderful hugs and squeezes now, complete with sound effects :)

We moved to a new apartment, you're third place in less than 1.5 years! We rode on a tractor and picked strawberries. We went to the children's museum and started back up with swim lessons again. With all of the growing and exploring you've done, you still love to be kissed and cuddled. Whenever you're feeling disconnected from me, you toddle over showing me the sign for "milk" and want to be held close. I'm so happy you have a safe place there and even though you put your smelly little toes in my face, and talk, and pat my face while you are nursing, I am always reminded that you are my baby. And when I look down, I see the same baby I've seen since the moment we met. Baby Owen, my beautiful, perfect baby boy.

Love and Squeeeeeezes,
Mama

Fourteen Months!

Dearest Owen,

My sweet boy, you are FOURTEEN MONTHS OLD TODAY! You continue to be the light of my life and everyday is a new adventure with you. You have become enamoured with your "DA-DEE" and ask for him all day long. Everytime the door opens you call his name again and again. He is equally as smitten with you and he lights up each night when you shower his cheeks with your open mouth kisses before he hands you off to me for "baby milk and night, night." You say Mama, less and less but you have your Mama all day long.

Your favorite book right now is "Moo, Baa, LA LA LA" and you ask for it EVERY TIME we sit in the rocking chair by saying, "Moooooooo!" Your Daddy and I are so tired of reading it and both of us know it by heart but hearing you recite the animal sounds and point to them on the pages still amazes us every time you do it. You love to pet Harleigh and crawl after her whenever you see her saying, "Kit-ty! Kit-ty!" Your Nana and Papa got you a touch and feel puzzle for your birthday which you love. Daddy says, "Owen, bring me the horsey" You bring him the horse and say, "yeeehehe" for the horsey sound. "Ba Ba" for the sheep. "Moooo" for the cow. And, of course, "Quack Quack" for the duck. You also say "uh, uh" for a doggie sound, and "chicken" now, but its for when we give you chicken nuggets ;) You can point to my eyes and nose and have even pointed to your tummy a few times. So smart, my boy!

You are more giggly these days and love to be ticked underneath your chin or have raspberries blown on your belly. You are so easy going and I cannot count the times people comment, "Is he always this good?" the answer is simply: Yes. You have gotten taller but haven't filled out much. Your arms and legs are slender and I'm afraid you've inherited the "Reese butt" -- or lack thereof. No butt to speak of on you, just like your Daddy and your Papa. Your hair is a definitive strawberry blonde now and the wispy ends curl up when you are sweaty. I adore your silky little curls, I sit and twirl them around in my fingers after you've fallen asleep in my arms. You love to have your teeth brushed at night and still say, "Night, Night" and sign milk when you are tired.

Spring is slowly making its way to us and being outside is one of your favorite things. We take walks or visit the zoo when the weather is nice. You cruise around the furniture and you can walk behind your little mail cart unassisted but still no steps. You know how to turn around and slide down off the couch backwards - something you managed to teach yourself. Your favorite thing to do right now is pick up tiny, tiny things off the floor and put them in your mouth. You pick them up, hold them up to me and then right in the mouth they go. Dirt, lint, wrappers, PENNIES! Anything you can pick up with your little fingers. Its impossible for me to keep the floor spotless so I spend my days fishing yuckies out of your mouth. You eat better from the floor than you do from the table and your Daddy and I have contemplated putting your dinner down on the carpet for you to enjoy (I kid, sort of...)

There is something so special about you, Owen. A quiet wisdom behind your eyes that I am sure you will amaze us with one day. With you, everything come is its own time and you are teaching me more about patience than I ever thought possible. There are days when I wish you were chubbier or more mobile or that you could tell me exactly what you want and then I sit back and realize that you are perfect and I have nothing to worry about. But I'm your Mama and worrying comes with the job but I promise you that I make it a point to drown myself in your adorableness and be thankful for the last fourteen months of perfect days the two of us have spent together.

My perfect boy, my heart is yours.

Mama

Twelve Months Old - Happy Birthday, My Love

Dearest Owen,

It sounds so cliche to say that I cannot believe you are ONE,  but time has truly snuck up on us and I am stunned, and proud and full of joy today. I have been writing this letter to you over and over again in my mind for weeks now, and nothing - no words can ever describe how special this year has been. I think about how you won't have any true memories of this time, and I hope that as you page through the letters and pictures you'll get a glimpse of what what it felt like to be a brand new family of three. I hope you see how incredibly loved you are, how much in love the three of us are. 

For a while I was overcome with sadness when I wrote these letters to you. I felt like time had slipped away from us and those moments of your babyness were gone forever. In the last month, seeing you thrive and move and talk, I realized I did revel in your newness and kissed every tiny toe again and again but a child (a toddler) brings reciprocal joy that bounces off the walls of our apartment. Watching you explore your world, mimic sounds and learn new things fills me with delight. You are pure sweetness, you are calm and patient. You are curious but cautious. You love to be read to, sung to and talked to. You try your very best to repeat my words, to use a spoon, to stand on your own. Every time you play with a familiar toy or book you do it with such purpose and excitement, it is as if it were the first time. You don't like cottage cheese or having your face washed, but you're pretty amenable to almost anything else. You have surprised us with your adaptability more times than we can count. You are a wonderful sleeper and a trying eater. You reach each milestone in your own time, at your own pace.

One year ago, at 5:32am, I became a mother and everything else I've ever accomplished in life pales in comparison to this role. I'll admit, we didn't have an easy start but you showed me the way and every day we grow closer and learn more about one another. I have been so incredibly lucky to spend this past year at home with you. I've watched you drift off to sleep for every bedtime, every nap. I've held you close and watched you grow bigger and bigger in my arms as the weeks past us by. In your eyes, I am perfect. I have been your comfort, your home, your food. Your head resting on my skin is your safe place. You look for me, you reach for me, you never stray far from me. You are my constant companion. You don't have the ability to see my flaws yet, even on my bad days you greet me with the same smile. You don't care if I went to college or have money, you don't even care if I shower! You don't know about my shortcomings yet, because as you'll learn, I've got plenty of them. For now, I'm everything you need. Being your perfect person has changed me. It has made me want to be better at everything I do and everything I am.  I cry more, I worry more, I pray more. I have a sense of inner peace and womanly confidence. All because of you.

Your Daddy is smitten too, in his own way. His job keeps him away from you more than he'd like but does his best to rush home and catch you before bedtime. I see tears in his eyes as he watches you read your books or speak new words. You are equally as enamored with him and the second he walks in the room your eyes light up and you cover his face in your sloppy kisses. You two have a special bond, he tickles you in just the right places to make you giggle (a rarity for you, my serious boy) and you say things with him you never do around me. I love that you share these things just the two of you and I know your bond will only grow stronger with time.

Looking ahead I see so much for the three of us. I am excited for springtime to come and for you to walk around in the grass and have the sun shine on your face. I am also overwhelmed at times when I think of all the "parenting" ahead of me. Changing diapers and sleep schedules seem so elementary when compared with the task of raising a strong, confident boy. I want you to know empathy and compassion. I hope that you will be grateful enough to hand-write your thank you notes and remember what my favorite pie is (...blueberry). More than anything else I want you to know you are loved beyond measure and second to marrying your Daddy, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

If I could, I would scoop up all of the stars in the sky and place them one by one into the night until they spelled out 'Happy Birthday Dear Owen' for everyone to see. I want to shout it from the rooftops that my little boy is ONE! My heart is bursting today and I might just smother you in kisses before you even open your eyes.

I love you with all that I am, but you know that already. 

xo
Mama

Eleven Months Old

Dearest Owen,

This has been another busy month for you, sweet baby. I think back to the months that we worked the entire time just on lifting your head and now each day brings new and exciting changes. You respond so quickly to things I teach you and I am in awe of the way your little mind works. I can see the wheels spinning deep beneath your furrowed brow as you study everything, soaking it all in.

This month you started to pull up, ON EVERYTHING. Pulling up is your favorite thing to do. You cruise around the room skipping from your music table, to our furniture, to our hands. Your legs have gotten so strong and even though you've started to crawl a little its only to facilitate your need to stand up.

You say "Mama" to me and "Dada" to your Daddy. You say "Hi" (more like, Ah--aaa) and you quack. You wake up quacking and go to bed quacking. You insist on taking your rubber duck from the bath to your bedroom at night. You love your ducky song and finger puppets. Tonight your Daddy and I decided we might need to have a ducky theme for your first birthday - its almost as if you told us what you wanted. SO.MUCH.QUACKING. You wave the cutest, most uncoordinated wave I've ever seen and when we ask you, "How Big is Owen?" you throw your arms up and tuck them behind your head as we say, "SOOOO BIG!" much to your delight. You learned to stick out your tongue this month and it was out, wagging away, all day every day.

You are easy going and just the sweetest boy on the planet. You have little to no separation anxiety as long as I am close by. Your smile melts the world and we beg for you to flash us those pearly whites. You and I took our first solo road trip this month and again you showed me how flexible you can be. We sing together, we dance together, we play together, we eat together. I still miss you while you are napping and secretly wish you would wake up at 5am and want to join me for snuggles in bed.

The past few days have been rough my boy, you are cutting more teeth and they are reeking havoc on our days. You are so sensitive and teething pain always gets the best of you. You've only nursed three times in the last three days. There has been lots of crying and lots of biting. But we're hanging in there and I pray that this passes soon. Last night you woke up at midnight after your Tylenol wore off, screaming and crying in pain and longing to return to restful sleep. You so badly wanted to nurse to settle down, but the pain was too much. I gave you some Advil and brought you out to the couch with me so your Daddy could rest. You snuggled up under my chin whimpering and fell asleep that way. We laid like that for most of the night and even though I was tired and uncomfortable all I could think about was your little body resting on mine. I was thankful you wanted to sleep there, safe with your Mama. I breathed in your sweet baby smell and I was remind of the days right after you were born when we slept together on the couch, your tiny head tucked under my chin. I marveled at you then, just as I marvel at you now. You've grown so much in the last eleven months, and even though I miss your babyness - I delight in the new joys that each day brings us. You are more a toddler than an infant now, but last night - just like the first night we met - you were my snuggly baby boy. I'd give up a million nights of sleep just to bask in a few hours with you tucked up under my chin. That will never, ever change. There is always a place for you there.

One month from today you will be a year old. The thought takes my breath away as moments from the past year flash through my mind - every single one of them is my favorite moment. You are my favorite moment.

Love,
Mama

Ten Months Old

Dearest Owen,

I simply cannot believe I am writing your ten month letter. Each and every month that has past you have brought more joy than the month before. How can there be this much love in our house?

This month you have become so much more a boy and less a baby. You are a participant in our conversations, our dinners and our playtime. You've made leaps and bounds this past month. You play peek-a-boo in our bed every morning. You pull the sheet up over your eyes and wait until I say, "Where's Owen?" about a million times and then pull it down with a giggle, PEEK-A-BOO! I taught you to stick out your tongue and to make a clicking sound in your mouth. Both are ADORABLE. You say, 'Mama' 'Dada' and lots of other random sounds. You are doing a great job with your "talking."  You've also started to mimic us. I can tilt my head and you follow suit. You repeat sounds and when I sing, "Laaa" you sing right back, "aaaaah". Melts me every time.

You LOVE to read books - especially books with fuzzy animals to touch. When we read I say, "Owen, turn the page" and YOU DO! You love when I sing to you and we've taught Daddy some of your favorite songs, like 'Five Little Ducks' - he never gets the words quite right but you don't seem to mind.

You have finally taken to eating solid foods (it's about time!). You eat 2-3 times a day in addition to nursing and gobble up almost anything I give you. You are not a fan of fresh bananas or cottage cheese but we'll keep trying. You love yogurt, prunes, pears and butternut squash the best. Each morning you eat a HUGE bowl of organic baby oatmeal with fruit stirred in. You pump your hands and feet letting me know I need to shovel it in faster for you!

In a matter of days you transitioned from belly to sitting, sat up in your crib and pulled up to standing in your crib (at 2am and almost gave me a heart attack!) Now you think you're crib is a place to party-party-party. You pull up and cruise around the perimeter, babbling away. You are up on all fours rocking back and forth but still no crawling, although your army crawl allows you to get almost anything you want.

Lastly, you're starting to develop separation anxiety and this has made you quite the Mama's boy. You will still go to other people but as soon as your are tired or hungry you reach for me. You only want to nurse to sleep and cry if I put you down. This has made for a rough couple weeks of sleep for both of us. You have so much going on in your little mind right now, I want you to feel safe and loved. We'll keep working at it and I hope soon you'll be back to sleeping like an angel.

I wish I had a single story to tell you about this month but no one thing comes to mind. Mostly because every single day brought something new. Your Daddy was so sad to go to work this month because everytime he came home - you had done something else. Now he says, "How many milestones did Owen achieve today while I was gone?"  My highlights of this month were hearing your say, "Mama" (you curl your lower lip under to say it and the sound makes me beam with pride) and the face you make when you stick out your tongue.  I love when you turn the pages of the books and I can see your little mind soaking in everything we do together.

Everywhere we go people comment on how sweet you are. I tell them they have no idea. I am so proud to be your Mama.

You truly are my greatest joy.

All my love,
Mama

Nine Months Old

Dearest Owen,

Today you are nine months old. Oh my boy, this past month you have started to show your will and personality. You are a thinker and your candid eyebrows and smooshy nose speak volumes about everything in your world. You've been reserving your smiles and kisses more but always reach out for your Mama. You study everyone and everything - so much goes on in that little head of yours.

You have seven RAZOR SHARP teeth and LOTS more hair! Your feet are bigger (and stinkier!) and your legs are longer. I packed up all of your nine month clothes and cried the first night I put you to sleep in your twelve month jammies! And today - today your Daddy and I could barely get your legs and feet into them!? I cannot bring myself to buy you the next size up quite yet (18 month!?) so snug you'll be my big, long boy! Just until Mama can catch her breath.

You are going through a phase and sleep is less than peaceful for you right now. I think you are going to be a late crawler just like your Daddy was. But not for lack of trying my love, when you really want something you drag your little body around like a wounded soldier. Otherwise you cry for me to fetch your toys or pick you up. But you are thinking about crawling - you crawl in your sleep and attempt to dive out of my arms like you have somewhere to be. I'm living on borrowed time and the babyproofing isn't getting done any faster.

You are still nursing quite a bit, but only by your rules. Quiet. Dark. and calm. With no talking from me or anyone else in the room. Unless you're really hungry when we're on the go. You eat solids but still don't show much enthusiasm for food. I make myself crazy trying to prepare new and exciting things for you to try - you humor me for a few bites and usually turn your head away as if I've bored you to death. You'll almost always eat yogurt, pears, prunes, apples, squash and peas (one.by.one) and you've started to get some little puffs into your mouth with your fingers. I'm beaming with pride each time one makes it in!

You love music, singing and me acting like a total idiot. You are the most attentive audience I've ever had, even if I do have to sing Little Bunny Foo Foo for a half hour straight just to keep you from falling asleep in the car. You started talking last week saying, "Ah, Zuece" and "Bauw, Bauw, Bauw". The other night I was washing some dishes and I could have sworn I heard you say "Da Da" - I listened again but you were saying, "bauw, bauw, bauw". A few minutes later your Daddy came home from work and scooped you up for some playtime before bed. From the other room I heard it clear as day, "DaDaDaDa". You made your Daddy very, very happy - he needs to know you love him too and this was a great start.

Last year I made cranberry sauce to go with Thanksgiving dinner. I watched the juicy red cranberries POP and settle into a perfect mix of sweet and sour. I remember wondering what it would be like to have you at our table, in our life. On your nine month birthday I made cranberry sauce again and as I stirred it, I marveled at the color and magic in that pot and then I looked over at you in your exersaucer. You smiled at me as if to say, "I'm here Mama! I know you're daydreaming about me!" You are here, you blend in seamlessly to my day and I honestly cannot imagine a Thanksgiving table without you. This past year has taught me what it means to be completely and effortlessly thankful. I surrender my heart to those feelings everyday.

This year, thankful feels like an understatement.

Happy Thanksgiving baby O! Here's hoping I don't bore you with turkey and cranberry sauce.

All my love,
Mama

Older on the outside

Dearest Owen,

I looked at the calendar this week and realized you are 38 weeks old. You've now lived longer outside my belly than inside. Somehow the time has past us by so much faster out here. I look down at you in my arms and I struggle to picture the tiny, vulnerable boy we welcomed into the world. Instead that baby in my arms has been replaced with a smiley, willful boy wearing twelve-month pajamas! How is this the same baby? Where did the time go? I grew you inside and though the months felt long and tiring I knew it would be worth it - now as you grow on the outside I know the true meaning of exhaustion and the feeling of endless love that makes everyday better than the next. When you are still and your eyelashes begin to flutter with sleepy dreams, I stare at you in amazement that you are MINE, excited to know that we have an entire lifetime together. I want to remember my 8-month-old you --- your round cheeks, your pink pouty lips, your little chubby fingers wrapped around mine. I know soon I will look down and I won't be able to picture the baby I see today - because in his place will be a toddler, and then a child and then a grown boy who won't fit in my lap but will always consume my heart. Just like you have since the day you were born.

My love for your spills over into every cell of my being. You continue to be the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Happy 38 weeks!

all my love,

Mama

Eight Months Old

Dearest Owen,

You are remarkable my boy. I have spent the last eight months in absolute awe of you and everything you do. This past month has been no different. Your personality is shining through more everyday. Each new day brings a glimpse of the little boy you are growing to be.

Three new teeth came in this month to make four total. You are doing better with teething pain and we only know you are uncomfortable when we go an entire day without seeing your beautiful smile. You are becoming more inquisitive about your surroundings and noticed the cat for the first time this month, now you watch her intently whenever she is in the room. You lunge for your toys and play with them with much more purpose than before - continuing to explore anything and everything with your mouth. This month brought three little freckles to your soft white skin. The first one appeared on your neck, just under your right earlobe. Your Daddy saw it first because it is right in the sweet spot where he likes to smooch you. You have one inside your ear and one on your kneecap nestled in between your little knee rolls. Three precious freckles and new three teeth all in one month.
 
You are doing much better with solids and we have your diapers as evidence. You weren't too fond of having mush shoveled into your mouth but now that I give you food you can grab and "chew" you are a much happier boy. The chewing is one of the most adorable things I've ever seen! You love yogurt and noodles and enjoy eating your peas one at a time. I like the challenge of finding new and healthy things for you to eat and its been so nice to have you as a meal companion!

We're still going strong with breastfeeding, I wanted to exclusively breastfeed you for six months - and now that we've reached eight months and you're just now eating solids, I am so proud of us. Nursing you has different challenges than when you were tiny and I'm trying to be flexible and cater to your needs. Your emerging teeth have been quite the obstacle for us and we're both learning how to deal with those sharp little additions to your mouth. You have discovered that there is a big wide world away from the comforts of my chest and you don't want to miss a single minute of it. I have to take advantage of quiet and sleepy moments when you nuzzle close to me and take in a full meal. I love nursing you so much, and I will do it for as long as you'll let me.

You are becoming quite vocal, testing out lots of various octaves of yelling. You began making a razzing sound with your mouth last week, which only quadruples the amount of drool on both of us. Probably our greatest joy this month was the sound of your giggles. You don't offer them up for just anyone but when you do - I can hardly keep my heart from exploding. A few nights ago, you were sitting on my lap on the couch and I was hugging you - great BIG bear hugs. Each time I would squeeeeeeeeze -  you would let out a huge giggle  - just like the Pillsbury dough boy. I did this over and over again until you burst into uncontrollable giggles and I burst into tears! You made me so incredibly happy with those giggles, I just couldn't contain myself.

So. Incredibly. Happy. That pretty much sums up how your Daddy and I feel every time we look at you.

I love your giggles, I love your freckles and most of all - I love you.

BIG bear hugs,

Mama

Seven Months Old

Dearest Owen,

How has another month gone by so quickly? Our days of snuggles and kisses all blend together and in one blink I look at you and you are older. Bigger. Smarter. Everything a mother could ask for in a growing boy, but all happening so fast - too fast.

This month hasn't been as easy going as the previous one - thanks to your first tooth and teeth to come. Sure enough after three days of agony your bottom right tooth broke through on August 29th. You've bitten me with it three times already - but only once was on purpose. Its razor sharp and hurts Mama quite a bit. You are not a fan of teething my dear. On teething days, our afternoons are filled with inconsolable crying. You drool and suck on my shoulder and look at me with the saddest eyes- begging me to make it all better. I do my best sweet boy, I rock you and sing to you and wish away your pain until you are safe in dreamland. One tooth down, 19 more to go. ((shudder)) I am thankful that the only memories you will have of these painful afternoons are mine.

You offer up slobbery open mouth kisses to both Daddy and I now (and Elmo). Your Daddy was thrilled with this new development - he loves when you offer up kisses after he's had a long day at work. You've become more inquisitive about things out of your reach. You've started to grab for toys that I've placed far enough away to make you work for it. I'm content with you staying put for a while, because I know you will crawl when you are ready - and once you crawl you will not stop.

Your hair is growing in thicker and I swear your eyes get clearer and bluer by the minute. Your little cheeks are squishy and pink and the dimples on your knuckles are as deep as the grand canyon. You don't have a single mark on your body - not a freckle or birth mark. Nothing but pure, white baby soft skin. When I look at you - at how absolutely perfect you are - my heart soars. I have to remind myself that you are mine - that you are made up of all of the best that your Daddy and I had to offer (and lots of yummy milk!) It truly is amazing.

Yesterday, I laid you in the middle of our big, king bed while I walked three feet away from you to grab something in the bathroom. I heard you making some sort of noise and my heart stopped. I ran back into the room to find in that one minute you had rolled right over to the edge of the bed. There you were, propped up on your belly with a HUGE grin like, "Look at me Mama, look what I did!" I scooped you up, and I cried. You've been rolling for months here and there - what made me think you wouldn't roll off the bed?! I felt like a terrible mother and pictured you falling onto the hardwood floor over and over again in my mind. What if the sound that I heard was of you falling and not of you grunting with pride. What if? What if?  A million times over, WHAT IF?!

Being a Mama exposes a visceral vulnerability that I've never know. My job is to keep you safe, and in that moment I felt like a failure. I will NEVER leave you on the bed again. But what scares me the most is knowing that I will undoubtedly make another mistake. I'm only human. But I try, I try so hard to see the "what ifs" ahead of you, what could be and what should be. You are my greatest treasure and if I could keep you locked up so nothing bad could ever happen to you, I think I might consider it. But that would be a life without riding bikes, because of skinned knees or not eating candy because of cavities. You wouldn't want to live like that and I wouldn't want it for you. So we'll make a deal - I'll hold on to your bike seat and remind you to brush your teeth if you promise to be careful, to trust me, and to enjoy. Enjoy this life my little one - so many adventures await you. I'll do my best to anticipate before you stumble and hope that my prayers and vigilance are enough to keep you safe.

I love you my darling Owen - to the moon and back again. With all that I am, and all that I hope to be, I love you.

xo
Mama

Six Months Old

Dearest Owen,

Your fifth month of life went by faster than any month so far. Perhaps it was because you've stopped fussing in the car, or because you took extra long naps. It may have been our afternoons filled with snuggling and learning new things or the thousands of smiles you flash on a daily basis. I think it was because you were an absolute joy this month, and dare I say it - an easy baby. 

I am getting to know you more and more everyday. You grab my face and try to eat it with your mouth wide open whenever you are hungry. You are always ready for a nap exactly ninety minutes after you wake up in the morning - regardless of how long you slept that night.  If you are tired when we're out and about you'll fuss with a tired cry for about five minutes before falling asleep in your car seat or carrier. You and I are figuring it out, sweet boy. You are my constant companion and I love having you with me.

You are such a curious and social butterfly. You love to watch other kids and you smile at anyone who looks your way. You take well to other people, but even when I hand you over to Daddy - you're constantly looking around for me, just to make sure I'm not far from reach. You love to play with your toys and you can roll back and forth and pop up on your arms when you're on your tummy. I love when you do this because you wrench your neck to look all around with your big blue eyes. Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING goes in your mouth, just to be coated in buckets of drool. We noticed a few weeks ago that your bottom gums are swollen, so by next month I'm sure those little teeth will pop in for visit.

This month you started nursing for food AND for comfort. In the past, you've been all business at the breast. Eat and done, pushed me away. Now my love, you would nurse for hours if I let you (and sometimes I do). I lay you down on my bed before our nap and you turn on your side, open your mouth and hold out your hands pumping your little fingers waiting for me to get settled in. I snuggle you and nurse you while you drift off to sleep. This is my favorite part of the day, and if nursing you to sleep is bad habit - consider me addicted because these afternoons curled up with you is worth it. These are the moments I fought so hard for and I am treasuring this change in our nursing relationship.

We successfully started you on some solid foods once a day. You tolerate it, but don't love it. I end up spending most of the time with my own mouth wide open (hoping you'll follow suit) making up ridiculous songs and noises to keep your attention on eating. What a sight we are each morning! I've been making your food with fresh fruits and vegetables and freezing it. You'll eat rice cereal and pureed avocado (drenched in breastmilk of course!) but so far you've shown a blatant dislike for sweet potatoes. If you're still in a good mood when the food is mostly gone, I let you play with the bowl and spoon. What a mess you make my boy! A big, huge adorable mess. I'm picking whatever you ate out of your hair and ears throughout the day. What fun is food without the mess anyway?

We are beginning to see a little boy in you and losing some of your newborn-ness. These changes are bittersweet for me, I miss the tiny person I brought home from the hospital, but I am excited at how much you've grown and changed. I wonder about you. I wonder if you will be shy and if you will love to read. I wonder what color your big boy hair will be and what your voice will sound like. I have little hopes for you - I hope you will ask to take piano lessons and always want to cuddle with me in the mornings when you wake up. I hope more than anything that you are confident and secure. That you know without a doubt that you are loved and appreciated.

Having you has made me present. Just the wonder of you being here, me caring for you and helping you to flourish amazes me. I am more proud of this than any other accomplishment in my life. I am more thankful for everything - the rain, the smell of fresh baby laundry, my time alone with your Daddy - I'm aware and I am grateful because I was blessed with you.

I love your chubs, I love your smile and if I could freeze you just as your are right now - I would. Just for a little while longer so I could continue to bask in your perfection. But grow you must and grow you will - I love you just the same.

All my love,

Mama

Five Months Old

Dearest Owen,

Today you are five months old and I don't even know where to begin to tell you how much you've grown and changed - let alone how much joy you bring to your Daddy and me. We celebrated your first 4th of July and Mama and Daddy's second wedding anniversary. Just one year ago I was pregnant with you, and now we are a family of three - I'm thankful every day that you arrived safe and sound.

This month you have gotten so big! You've gained almost two pounds since your last doctor's appointment and you're weighing in at close to SIXTEEN POUNDS! You've outgrown your 3 month clothing and some of your six month things as well. This must be because you spent most of this past month in a growth spurt. Gone were the sleepy nights, and instead you woke every two hours to eat. Mama had such a hard time keeping up with you, especially after a terrible bout with food poising on my part, but we got there with lots of milk to spare. I am so proud we are still nursing, and I never take one feeding for granted. I tried rice cereal with you because I thought you might need something more. You were curious the first few times I fed it to you, but then decided you'd rather just have milk. I am fine with this my love, we'll hold off for a while and I will continue to cherish the fact that my milk puts all that chub on your thighs.

You started splashing your arms in the bathtub and I cannot stop from smiling the entire time. It makes me so happy to see you get so excited. Speaking of splashing, we took you to the pool for the very first time this month. You loved to watch the other kids play, and were content to sit in the water with your Daddy while your little baby toes turned into little wrinkly prunes! You love to have your diaper changed, mostly because you LOVE to be naked! Smiles galore from you while you wiggle around and grab for your feet. You are rolling both ways now, so I have to watch closely when I put you down on your playmat. You love to listen to music and it keeps you content for quite some time if I play Raffi on the laptop while you sit in your new exersaucer. You love to "stand" and your legs are SO strong. Daddy and I have a feeling you're going to be on the move soon enough, something we'd like to put off for as long as possible.

The one thing you don't do yet is giggle. We've heard it only a few times, the first on Mother's day and then again when we visited Great Grandma Florence. You sometimes will giggle when Daddy gives you a massage and squeezes your butt. But we've come to the conclusion that perhaps - we're just not that funny. We hope you change your mind and fill our house with baby laughter in the next few weeks.

When I look at you I am mush my boy. We spend our days reading books, giving kisses and listening to music. We go to playgroup every Tuesday and walk to story time at the library on Thursdays. We take naps together, and play with your toys and I listen to you coo and babble. Everyday I make lists in my mind of my favorite things about you. From the moment they laid you on my chest I have been enamored with your profile. Your features are so adorable - squishy cheeks, little chin and a that button nose. I kiss your nose all day long, it's my favorite because I think it looks just like mine! I also kiss your stinky, smelly feet. I cannot believe how sweaty and smelly those little baby toes are. I bathe you at night and zip you into your pajama's and by morning those feets are PEE-EWW! I smell them, and kiss them and tell you how adorably stinky they are! Most of all, your smiles melt my heart. Always smiling my boy. When strangers approach us now, you offer up a huge grin and then turn and bury your head in my chest. This makes everyone's day! So far it has gotten us free bag of yummy Rainier cherries and a free bib! Keep flashing that gummy smile sweet baby, it's priceless.

When you have a baby everyone says, "cherish them while they are small because they grow up so fast." I can't believe five months have flown by already. It feels like yesterday you were so tiny and new. Now the world is yours to discover and take in. That advice echos in my mind all day long as I watch you grow and change and do new things. When I am with you I tell myself, "This moment, this time with my baby I need to remember and never let it slip away." I do cherish every single minute with you, my love. I bask in your milky, baby smell and hold you just a few minutes longer each night before I put you down to sleep. When I snuggle down between you and Daddy at night, I wonder what made me worthy of two such gifts. Whatever it was, I am eternally grateful.

Happy five month birthday my sweet boy. Happy five wonderful months.

My love always,

Mama