Three months together.

Tonight marks the end of my 28-days-without-a-break parenting streak and the start of Jeremy's research block. It feels like we have waited forever for this day to come. Residency has been exhausting and harder than we imagined it would be, on all of us. We've tried to make the best of Jeremy's four days off per month and his vacation time.

But the fact of the matter is - four days off per month is not enough. It's never enough even if the days are filled with laughter and love and togetherness. Especially when those days are filled with laughter and love and togetherness. Weeks go by and sometimes Owen stops asking if Daddy will be home for dinner or bedtime. When he stops asking, my heart sinks.

Jeremy was supposed to have an 8-month research block starting today. A month or so ago there were changes within the program which threatened that time. Time we had spent three years waiting for. After things were sorted out it was determined he would get three months now (July/August/September) and three months later (April/May/June). Six months instead of eight, broken up. To say we were upset is an understatement but six months broken up is better than nothing.

For the next three months Jeremy will be doing research in a lab on his own time. No set hours, no requirements. No call. No hospital shifts. No assholes to deal with.

We need this time to reconnect. Jeremy needs this time with the kids and I need a break from having everything resting on my shoulders. We have grand plans of travel, pool, family, camping, festivals, concerts. Togetherness.

Three months of us as a family of four.

 Words cannot describe how excited our little family is for these next three months. Shabbat Shalom!

 

A Very Happy 4th Anniversary

{Cannon Beach, Oregon 2007}

It's hard to believe we've been together for almost TEN years now

Married for FOUR years

Moved FOUR times

ONE adorably sweet little boy

and another little miracle on the way.

Our love story keeps growing with each passing day and I can honestly say there is nothing in this world that I am more thankful for, than this man.

After Jeremy proposed to me, we headed to an all-you-can-eat crab restaurant off the coast of Oregon.

This year, even though Jeremy was post-call and exhausted, we commemorated that celebration by getting a babysitter so we could sit riverside in Pittsburgh :)

and eat all the crab we wanted.

Our FIRST anniversary

Our SECOND anniversary

Our THIRD anniversary (and my thoughts)

The most thankless job

Being a resident is one of the most thankless jobs I can imagine. People really have no clue how incredibly hard it is. They work 80+ (plus, plus, plus) hours a week being ridiculed all day (even the NURSES! boss them around!) Their positions are funded by Medicare while residents bring in thousands and thousands of dollars to the hospitals each year. However, most resident families qualify for government assistance like medicaid and WIC and carry close to a quarter million dollars in debt. 

Second year (PGY-2) started July 1st and hasn't let up since. Intern year is rough because you know nothing, but the nice part about it is that everyone expects that you know nothing. Junior year is a whole new ball game. Tons of responsibility, yet you still seemingly know nothing. It is also Jeremy's first full blocks on Urology service, which has proved brutal in terms of hours.

{A day in the life}

4:50 alarm

4:55 alarm

5:00 alarm

5:05 (smacked by wife) alarm

5:10 shower/shave/pack lunch

5:30 (kisses sleeping wife) out the door

5:45am-6:30pm

I have no idea what this man does. Usually you can picture what someone does while they are at work, when he was a teacher I pictured him standing in front of a classroom.

I know Jeremy's pager blows up all day long (just like it does at home) and he runs from one side of the hospital to another checking on patients, talking to nurses. He assures me his day is chock full of irrigating catheters, retracting, stitching, rectal exams and lots and lots of penises.

He nods afirmingly while being yelled at by attending physicians and anyone above him. After all, if you're the Junior resident - EVERYTHING is your fault. Even when it isn't.

He eats a protien bar and a glass of milk for breakfast and is lucky if he finds a few moments around 5pm to gobble down his turkey sandwhich/yogurt/pudding cup 

before evening rounds. 

If he's not on call he signs off at 6:30pm but usually has a few consults left to see. 

His goal is ALWAYS to make it home by 8pm to read a story to Owen before bed 

(if he gets home for dinner that's a bonus!)

8:00pm 
walks in the door to a toddler screaming
"Da-dee! Da-dee!"

Washes his hands, takes off his scrubs

cleans Owen up from dinner, plops him in the tub for soap and splashes, get him ready for bed and reads him stories while rocking him.

This is what he looks forward to all day.
Thirty minutes to just be a Dad.

8:30pm 
hands Owen over to me for nursing/bed

He sits on the couch, answers any pages that came in while he was on "Daddy duty", inhales the plate of dinner that was saved for him and works on notes for another 1-3 hours. 

---------------

Jeremy hasn't seen Owen on a weeknight in over four weeks.

He usually reads "baa, baa" and "rawr"

Last night Owen asked for those books repeatedly but when I tried to read them he shut the book

"No. Da-dee."

"Daddy's at work" the same phrase I use all day long when he askes

"No. Da-dee"

so I read my designated books and rock my dissapointed little boy to sleep. 

Last night Jeremy was on call. On call nights one person is covering over 2,500 hospital beds for any urologic issues. He gets home extra late 930-11pm and usually has to run back out in the middle of the night. His pager goes off non-stop and he sleeps (if he sleeps) on the couch so not to wake me.

Jeremy and I knew this was going to be hard, but Owen doesn't understand. He just wants his "Da-dee" which has made second year harder on all of us. 

When we are together we soak up every minute doing things as a family.

We treasure these moments in our life while keeping our eye on the prize. 

When training is over, the reward will be a more accessible Daddy who just happens to be a doctor.

Your Daddy is a doctor now

As of 5:30am this morning Jeremy was officially the pediatric surgery intern on service.

And when he got home from work, the first thing he did was snuggle his baby.

Impromtu Family Road Trip

Thursday evening we came across several new rental properties in the Pittsburgh area via Craigslist. After calling, we discovered that the rental market is wicked hot right now and good properties have contracts within a few days.

With impending homelessness weighing heavily on our minds, Jeremy and I decided at the last minute we would make our first family trip to Pittsburgh and scope out seven rental properties.

First thing Friday morning we packed our little 3-week old cub in the car for the 4+ hour drive to Pennsylvania. He slept in the car and we pulled off to feed him half way through. We were hoping to make it the rest of the way with him napping but we got stuck in traffic for the last half hour of our trip, which incidentally cut into his eating time. Cue baby melt down.

Upon finally arriving at our first rental - I scooped up our very sweaty baby (with him rear facing in a black car seat the sun beat in on him and it was very hard to get air circulating back there) and headed inside. The owner had a 20 month old and was very accommodating. I BREAST FED MY BABY IN A STRANGERS BEDROOM LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AFTER MEETING HER.

and thus begins the making of a suburban Mamma and baby figuring it out in the big city.

We stayed in a hotel, disturbed the neighbors with a crying infant and my boy shot projectile baby poo all over two changing pads and onto the hotel comforter. Jeremy and I were too busy laughing hysterically at the massive fart sounds coming out of our kid to notice the shrapnel and wonder if we were going to be charged for the splattered yellow mess.

Saturday Owen spent almost 12 hours in his car seat being carted from place to place and then for the long drive home.

I fed him in the backseat of the car in the middle of a business district TWICE.

Jeremy changed his diaper on another strangers kitchen counter (no explosions, thank goodness)

Owen had his first lunch date at a restaurant and spent some much-needed time out of the carrier being snuggled by his Mamma. He displayed perfect table manners.

It was hard, I'm not gonna lie. Being bound to a car with no where to cuddle and nap was very hard on all of us. Having a tiny baby who feeds every 2-3 hours makes an already stressful situation even more complicated. Changing a poop machine in the backseat of a small sedan IS CHALLENGING. Being car-bound and disoriented in another state with our little one and none of the comforts of home made us sad. But we made it.

And the good news is, 48 hours later - we are no longer homeless and Jeremy and I have a new found sense of confidence after our first road trip with our newborn.

Today is spent doing nothing but snuggling our little man.

What a trooper he was.

What a trooper we all were.

FULL. TERM. BABE.

Today our little one is considered full term - I kept him in for these ten precious weeks and now he should be big and healthy enough to thrive on the outside.

This milestone seemed infinitely impossible, and now that we're here I am overcome with emotion.

Re-read last sentence: OVERCOME WITH EMOTION.

Apparently being this pregnant also makes you susceptible to sobbing crazy-pants breakdowns - like the one I had in the car yesterday for seemingly no reason.

Or was there a reason...

We were forced out of our house for a showing by a very early and very RUDE realtor, my underwear were too tight and I noticed a scratch on my car.

CUE COMPLETE MELT DOWN.

(In my opinion) I've done pretty well with keeping my emotions in check during this pregnancy. Yea, there was some crying in the shower during my lonely first trimester and I may or may not have lost it one day in the food court over my GI-NORMOUS breasts. But compared to the weeping, crying puddle that describes many people during pregnancy - I would consider myself only moderately crazy. I frequently re-focus on the positives and keep myself together.

I really to do try to fart sunshine and rainbows most of the time. I'm infinitely thankful for my life, my husband, my unborn son and all of the possibilities that await us in the future. But every once in a while, one of those stinky ones squeaks out that inevitably permeates all of the air around me. AND YESTERDAY STUNK.

I think the convergence of things going on in my life at this immediate time could have something to do with it.

I'm having a baby (A BABY!)...VERY SOON.

I'm leaving Ohio for the first time in my life (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

I'm moving away from my family (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

I need to find a new job (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

My husband is about to start a very intense residency training program (read: merciless 80 hour work week)

We're trying to sell our beautiful house, which with the two offers we've had so far we might as well have a sign in the yard that says: FREE HOUSE, NO OFFER WILL OFFEND US.

I found out last week that I was not accepted to the PhD program that I applied to, and while it was in Boston and I would have had to decline it anyway, this was a huge blow to my career ego.

the kicker of all this sugar coated fun is that we have exactly NEGATIVE ZERO DOLLARS in the bank and a insurmountable amount of debt (see previous statements of baby/move/no job).

Jeremy says that there is some sort of literature that rates stressful things in life and after death of a child/spouse IS JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE ON THIS LIST.

So I think feeling overwhelmed right now is somewhat justifiable. I'm not looking for sympathy or charity - just a safe place to vent without looking selfish, inadequate or mentally unstable. I guess the real kicker, at least for me, is that I find myself feeling so incredibly guilty when my clear vision of the blissful arrival of my son gets a little foggy if I let these other things sneak up on me.

and to top it all off, MY PANTIES ARE STILL TOO TIGHT.

We will not be steelers fans.

But we did match at

THE UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH!

Tomorrow has been a long time coming

Tomorrow we find out where we will be placed for Jeremy's residency. To say it consumes our minds and conversation right now is an understatement. To be this close to something he we have worked towards for years now is a surreal feeling.

After graduate school neither of us could find a job in Columbus. Jeremy was rejected from medical school and applied for teaching positions. He finally had an offer in Dayton but our relationship was still very new. Long distance wasn't something we were open to, but neither was cohabitation. With me jobless and him inevitably moving - we gave into the later and promised ourselves we would try to make it work and have no regrets if it didn't. In Dayton. A place neither of us was very jazzed about moving to. A place that in our minds offered little to two people in their early 20s, full of ambition and liberal agendas, just starting to navigate the real world - together.

Jeremy taught high school biology, he was home by 4pm each day and was learning to cook. We volunteered, joined the local YMCA, traveled as much as possible and had our duplex toilet papered by pimple-faced sophomores. We were successfully building a life together complete with a guest room and joint checking account. And then one afternoon, as we stepped off a cruise ship in Puerto Rico, he received a phone call admitting him to medical school off of the wait list.

We bought a house, I found a stable job with benefits for both of us and we continued to make things work. Medical school was a tough transition, our partnership was now an apart-nership. He studied in the library while I learned to cook and taught cycling. We proved to each other in those first two years of medical school that we had something worth holding onto for a lifetime, despite where we lived or how much we saw each other on the weekends.

Jeremy and I didn't have a whirlwind "love at first sight" type of courtship as neither of us could possibly set aside sound logic in exchange for wild abandon. I'm actually happy that we built on our successes and throughly analyzed our failures. We took pride in our life together and realized our decisions were better made with two minds than one. We built a home together, nurtured a Jewish identity, were engaged, had a beautiful wedding, traveled, laughed, and loved. We grew as people, grew as professionals and grew as a couple. All of this came to fruition in a zip code plagued with humid summers, bleak snowy winters and the shell of a city once abuzz with industry but now the sad result of economic downturn, abandoned by urban sprawl and outsourcing.

I don't love the physicality of Dayton, I never have. But I am forever grateful and enamored with all that this city has afforded me and my family. This is the place where my mind will escape to years from now when I reminisce about falling in love and becoming a family. Here, where my faith, my relationship and my baby were born. Here, where I learned to be a wife and a mother. Here, where I learned to budget precious time and little money. Here, where I learned to be truly thankful and dutifully humbled.

And this is how I know that no matter what that email says tomorrow, our home will follow, our successes will join us and everything I need will be in one place. Our family with flourish with the warmth and security of what we've built here; armed and ready to make new memories, careers (and even more babies!) someplace else.

Holding steady with a massive brick and side of carbs

Another successful appointment today with Dr. K. My cervix is still very soft, but again only minor dimpling. I've had to double up on my medicine the last few days to slow the contractions, but he is hopeful I can make it a few more weeks like this. The baby is measuring 33.5 weeks, so he is very happy with his growth. I also gained another 2.5 pounds last week (my first YIKES! moment on the scale), so I'm up about 15 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight.

Dr. K did say that he thinks once the medicine stops working, I'll probably progress fairly quickly. He said he is hoping to get me to 36/37 weeks on tocolysis but if I go into full labor at 35 he'll probably just let me deliver, rather than putting me on inpatient magnesium. We have about ten days left until optimal lung maturity, so things are looking hopeful.

We're really hoping to get to the end of February. February is Jeremy's last mandatory rotation, Neurology, and the attendance policy is very strict. He is only allowed to miss two excused days (including medical) or else the entire month has to be remediated. This late in the game, making up time is next to impossible and they could withhold his May diploma - thus making it impossible to start residency. The impending baby scenario has fallen on deaf ears, and to further complicate things he was placed at a site 45 minutes away from our house. Flexible right? About as flexible as the brick I'm going to use to pound someone crazy ninja style if he misses the birth of our son or they try to fail him. And, for the record, when it comes to pregnant women there's no such thing as an idle threat. NINJA BRICK FIGHTING I TELL YOU!

I kind of have it in my mind that this little one will come on February 25th. Not sure why, but I do. Which would be pretty darn okay with both of us, except for in our little world of trying to make the best of what's handed to us, things don't usually work out the way we think they will, so we'll see.

Speaking of taking what's handed to us... we find out our residency match ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! The suspense is mounting with each passing day and the only thing keeping us sane is inhaling massive amounts of double-stuffed Oreos and ice cream sandwiches. Fondly referred to by my husband as "breakfast sandwiches."

Put away the scale and let the countdowns begin!

I will follow you, because in your arms is where my home has always been

I know this blog has been a lot of blah blah about expanding freckles and eating old candy (which my Mom is currently having a conniption fit over and I had to promise not to feed my unborn child any more expired treats) so i figured I would update you on my crazy I'm-going-to-be-married-to-a-doctor-in-seven-months-OH-MY-GOSH LIFE.

My sweet husband is gallivanting across the country for the next month attempting to impress crusty old surgeons with his sparkling blue eyes and unyielding charm (his grades aren't half bad either!) and this is the final list of places we may land in the GLORIOUS GAME OF UROLOGY CANDY LAND! Yes, my husband wants to operate on penises for a living - please don't judge me.

(DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ INTO ANYTHING ON THIS LIST, they are listed in no particular order, they will be put in order sometime in late December. NO we don't know what order yet. NO we don't have our top three figured out. And NO unfortunately you're going to have to offer a lot more than cupcakes and free babysitting services to sway us towards your city.)

Boston University Medical Center Program, Boston, MA

University Health Center of Pittsburgh Program, Pittsburgh, PA

Loyola University Program, Chicago, IL

University of Illinois College of Medicine at Chicago Program, Chicago, IL

Lahey Clinic Program, Burlington, MA

University of Kentucky Medical Center Program, Lexington, KY

University of Colorado Program, Denver, CO

Temple University Program, Philadelphia, PA

University of Washington Urology Residency Program, Seattle, WA

Emory University Program, Atlanta, GA

University of North Carolina Hospitals Program, Chapel Hill, NC

Duke University Program, Durham, NC

University of Minnesota Program, Minneapolis, MN

Mayo Graduate School of Medicine (Rochester) Program, Rochester, MN

Ohio State University Program, Columbus, OH

SUNY Downstate Medical School, Brooklyn, NY

William Beaumont Hospital Program, Detroit, MI

Brown University Program, Providence, RI

The following are programs where he was granted an interview but, unfortunately, couldn't make due to scheduling conflicts (these won't be on our list):

George Washington University, Washington DC
University of Iowa, Des Moines, IA
Indiana University, Indianapolis, IN
University of Chicago, Chicago, IL
University of Albany, Albany, NY

We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to rank this many programs, thus giving us wonderful options for the next stage of our life. Although there is still the ere of unpredictability with this messy system and we could theoretically end up in any of these places, my mother-in-law says it best:

You will blossom wherever you are planted

And seeing as though I have fleeting butterflies the size of SPARROWS in my tummy every time I think of the unimaginable joy we will feel in March when Jeremy and I snuggle our son for the very first time...

I tend to agree with her, 110%