Mama and Gil in the Big City

I had a meeting for work in New York and I had missed one other meeting because I think I was pregnant so I really needed to be at this one. It was important to me and since I get to do very little to stretch my professional wings, I needed to make this happen.

The scheduling could not have been worse as the meeting was finalized less than two weeks prior and it was the two days before we were leaving for Hilton Head.

But thanks to Papa, Jeremy and an incredibly flexible baby - I made it. Despite being dead tired when I made the reservations and accidentally booked two one way flights on Friday - I fixed it at the last minute and my awesome cousin Ry took the day off so that he could get us from the airport. We stayed out on Long Island with family and one of my coworkers lives ten minutes away.

Gil and I drove into the city with her for the meeting, had dinner and then back to Long Island. We flew out first thing Friday morning.

A crazy whirlwind 43 hour NYC trip. Owen had a blast with his Papa and didn't even notice I was gone ;)

{Me and my awesome Kveller co workers - Sarah skyped in from Israel. Mayim had Gil.}

{ Apparently paper plates are vegan}

 {Uncle Amos met up with us after work for a quick snuggle with his Godson}

 {Sissa and Aunt Marylou fight over who gets to hold Gil}

 {excited we made this trip happen. Here's hoping I make it out again soon}

We arrived back home and had a wonderful brunch with Owen and Papa and then headed to the Children's Festival for the afternoon.

 {Papa teaching Owen how to shoot marbles at the Children's Festival}

Shabbat LOVE

I haven't talked about my writing here in a while. Since having Gillen, well even before having him, this space has turned into more of a picture update and quick milestone reminder for the boys growing up (can you believe I still haven't written a single word in Owen's baby book? Thank God for this blog!) I'm always weeks, if not months, behind now but I try to keep a log of pictures/events that I want to share with friends/family/posterity.With juggling my work contract, Kveller and being home with the boys full time (ahem and a baby who doesn't like sleeping at night) - it's hard for me to keep up.

Most of my extended thoughts are now over at Kveller where I am a contributing editor alongside five other very, very talented women writers. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I work for this amazing site, that I have a place to share my thoughts - something I've never even taken a single hour of coursework to do. It is all bashert, and I love it very much.

It's even more amazing when one of my sweet co-workers gives me a shout out and proves that indeed we do sit around and braid each other's hair while gossiping about parenting, Judaism and the like ;)

Kidding, obviously, but it is nice to have my work validated as this is a piece I am particularly proud of. You can find the original piece here at Kveller.com

Tragedy at the Pittsburgh Zoo

On Sunday a two year old boy was killed at our zoo. To say this hit me hard was an understatement. I take my boys to the zoo all the time. Owen runs free. He could have climbed up on that exhibit. We lift him up to see better all the time.

A Mama lifted her son up to see his favorite exhibit and he fell in and died a horrible, tragic death.

I wrote a piece about my feelings over here at Kveller.com

Less than an hour after it had been posted two editors from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, the largest newspaper here, called asking to use it.

It ran in the paper and on their website where it recieved over 2,200 shares and had almost 100 comments.

People said some horrible things about this mother. Pointed fingers and placed blame. Because if you blame her for being a bad mother, maybe that means something as horrific as this could never happen to our own children. But the fact of the matter is that it could have been anyone.

I recieved an email from someone close to the family thanking me for my article. Saying after all of the horrible things that had been said and written they were so happy to have something nice put out there.

My heart breaks for that mother. It will break for her for a long, long time. I cannot bring myself to go to the zoo. That will take time too.

I can't even imagine.

Toddler Troubles: Naked time

This is how we found Owen when we went in to wake him from his nap (we are waking him now because it is taking him far too long to fall asleep at night). He took off his sleep sack, pajama's and diaper and was SOAKED in urine. His bedding, him, everything was soaked.

He is doing this before falling asleep for nap/night time or upon waking from nap/night. I've cleaned up more than my fair share of poop and pee over the last few weeks and was desperate for a solution.

Read more about it here on Kveller!

17.5 weeks pregnant

I can't believe when I was pregnant with Owen, we were just now telling people. Already, I have had strangers come up to me and ask to touch my belly (weird?)

Things are crazy around here and I'm trying my best to post updates and (if he would sit still for five minutes) pictures of Owen. I'm sorry if they are all grouped together in one bunch of posts. Keep reading! I'll do better!

We've had a busy few months since finding out I'm pregnant. I was so sick in the first trimester and couldn't even manage to get dinner on the table. A few months ago I was offered a job, A JOB! IN MY FIELD! I've been meeting with different people and casually interviewing since we moved here. I've been installing car seats with the Safe Kids coalition to keep up my certification and the trauma department at Children's Hospital has been waiting on money for an evaluation. It finally came through and, as promised, they called me. It is a significant contract doing research and evaluation for infant/toddler injury prevention and we were so blessed to get this financial windfall just when we needed it the most. The hard thing for me is that nothing else about my life has changed. I'm still home with O full-time, I'm still volunteering at the Toy Lending Library twice per month, active in La Leche League, I'm pregnant, Jeremy is back on service so he's not around much and now I need to carve time out of my day to complete these deliverables.

I am also still working as a Contributing Editor and Writer with Kveller. I try to get in at least one post per week, as writing has been a wonderful outlet for me (you can always read my latest posts by clicking the Kveller logo in the sidebar.)

I absolutely love being home with Owen, watching him grow and learn - but there is also something so familiar about working again. I've felt a lot like my pre-baby self, actually flashbacks from when I was pregnant with Owen. Jeremy and I were living apart and I spent much of my first two trimesters teaching cycling, teaching Hebrew and working at the University full-time. I was so proud of myself during that time, sure things were hard, but I was thriving by filling my life with purpose and rocking my own independence.

I'm getting a glimpse of that again even though my days are very different than they were back then. I am happy to contribute to our family both by raising Owen and financially. I have so much purpose in my life right now, I just need to find a way to balance it all without exhausting myself.

Oh Happy Day!

Jeremy had the day off (again!) for Valentine's Day so we spent a low-key day together as a family.  I made us some yummy treats and we all took a nice long nap before heading out to Qdoba for dinner.

That night, Jeremy proposed to me with a delicious ring pop and an adorable card (I said, YES!)

Another perfect Valentine's Day with my two favorite guys.

(I also shared on Kveller.com about my special Valentine's traditions)

I can finally breathe

My latest reflections on motherhood at Kveller.com

Diary of a Wimpy Toddler

Even the greatest Kings in all the land may have been pushed down the slide a time or two

Read more about my struggles with this sweet, cautious boy

I miss him when he sleeps

He opens his eyes and starts to stir
Calls out for me, because I’m preferred
He nurses sweetly in the chair
I run my fingers through his hair
He’s off to play and make a mess
I haven’t even showered yet
I try my best to get things done
But get sidetracked with Lego fun
My errands now take twice as long
And must include some silly song
He has a tantrum in the store
And flails himself upon the floor
The day drags on, I watch the clock
I wash and dry and fold his socks
I cook a dinner he refuses
And wipe the bib he rarely uses
I kiss the boo-boo on his nose
And clip and scrub his stinky toes
I zip him up in blue pajamas
Such a blessing to be his Mama
We read a story for the hundredth time
The one with pigs that dance and rhyme
I rock him as he drifts to sleep
And know he makes my life complete
Because even after a thankless day
Where everything has gone astray
I hold my son and watch him breathe
And can’t quite bring myself to leave
I ache for him when we’re apart
He’s captured in my Mama heart
I set him down and switch the light
I miss him while he sleeps at night

This poem was first published HERE at Kveller.com

Halloween and Chankuah!

In case you missed me on Kveller.com over the past few weeks - I shared some thoughts about Halloween and my love of Christmas music.

... oh, and Justin Bieber's testicle's have dropped. Awkward.

You can always read my most recent Kveller.com pieces by clicking the link in my sidebar ------>

Hilton Head Playdate

I've met a lot of really great people through blogging, both here and on Kveller. I correspond with my "internet friends" through Facebook, emails, gchat and texting. We live scattered across the country (a few in Israel) and its a rare occasion that our paths will cross in real life. Thankfully, my friend Kelly was going to be 2-hrs from Hilton Head with her son Carter and they wanted to drive down to meet us for a play date!

Carter and Owen were born 10 days apart and Kelly and I have been corresponding through blogs since I was on bedrest. Over the last two years we've shared notes on parenting, sleep schedules, tantrums, teething and both of us are still nursing these 20 month old boys!

The night before our meet up, she texted me that her husband was convinced she'd show up at our hotel and a 60-yr old man would answer the door. Jeremy and I were laughing out loud so I gave her a call to let her know, we were indeed a little family of three awaiting a playdate.

We took the boys to a little children's museum called The Sandbox. It was PERFECT for Carter and Owen with a play kitchen, indoor climbing structures and lots of construction fun. They boys played and Owen even got his first bloody eye after falling into a table so we decided to head to lunch. The boys were great and we all got to sit and chat, it was so much fun.

(group picture with two sweaty, tired boys -one who just suffered a busted eye - oh well, we tried!)

It was such a wonderful visit and it was like we'd been friends in real life all along! I sincerely hope our paths will cross in the future and we get to play with our bloggy friends from Georgia again soon!

We forgot our camera so we had to use Kelly's awesome camera - for LOTS more pictures of our playdate visit her blog... here and here!

Rosh Hashanah... my own reflections on Judaism

 This week on Kveller.com I asked myself this question

Was I Jewish enough?

Milk-Friendly? Why Yes, Yes I am

I am so totally jazzed because I'm Guest Posting over on Milk-Friendly today!

 {Guest Post: I Don't Just Whip It Out}

If you haven't checked out Milk-Friendly you most certainly should! Maryam is a nursing Mama with two beautiful boys who refuses to sacrifice fashion for accessible boobies. She is full of tips and tricks for maintaining your style while nursing your babes (and she's nursing a toddler, which makes her EXTRA cool in my book!)

If you are here from Milk-Friendly, WELCOME! I wouldn't say I have style per say, but I'm constantly working on it (I wore red lipstick on a date last week!) I'm currently nursing my 17-month old son, Owen, and have written lots about our nursing relationship both here and over at Kveller.com.

{More about our nursing relationship}

When my son was born, he struggled to latch and lost a lot of weight and some people felt I was doing the wrong thing by continuing to nurse him. He rejected the nipple shield at 8 weeks and with the help of my wonderfully supportive husband, a lactation consultant, my Le Leche League group and lots of pumping and supplementing he finally latched on his own at 11 weeks. Nursing has been such a blessing for us and when my little turned a year old, neither of us had any intentions of stopping. We've nursed through illness and tantrums, on vacation in Asheville and even in Target. Through informal milk-sharing four babies other than my son have also benefited from my milk. Last month we lost a pregnancy and while it was heartbreaking and sad, nursing helped get me through.  I am a huge advocate of nursing whether its three drops or three years, and I'd love to chat about it.

Thanks for stopping by our little corner of the internet and feel free to leave a comment or say "Hello!"

I have no shame

See that juicy snot-river? It ended up on my pants five seconds after this picture was taken.

Last week was rough to say the least. Jeremy was slammed at work and Owen and I came down with a nasty vomit/cold he picked up at the gym daycare.  Yes vomit/cold is an official diagnosis and yes, we survived.

I FINALLY got up the nerve to leave him at the gym while I worked out and this is how karma repays me.

Karma clearly hasn't seen my thighs.

You can read more about how awesome last week was here on Kveller.com

I have a toddler now

Owen is a full-blown toddler now and I've written a few pieces this week over at Kveller.

This article was in response to a CNN story about children in public places. It has gotten over 130 *likes* on Facebook and lots of people weighed in...  Be Nice To My Kid, Or We're Not Coming Back

And this one I wrote about how I can sympathize with him because, Deep Down, We're All Toddlers

Anniversary post

I'm celebrating our Anniversary over at Kveller - jump over and read a bunch of mushy stuff about how much I love my husband.

I'm doing better

I'm doing better these days. I think the pregnancy hormones have finally cleared out of my system and I'm starting to feel like myself again. I still get the occasional whim of sadness but overall I'm glad to have some closure (and the energy to chase after Owen).

People have been so incredibly supportive since I shared our news last week. I wish I had time to thank each person individually but to save myself more tearful conversations I wrote a public thank you, to all of the women who have reached out to me.

*********************************************************************

Miscarriage: To the Women Who Have Cried With Me

There was time, not long ago actually, that women never spoke (let alone blabbed on the internet) about things such as cancer, infant death, miscarriage, or infidelity. They had these horrible things happen to them and were expected to pin a plastic smile on their face and sip tea while the world spun around them. Maybe it was because society wasn’t ready for that kind of pain, maybe it was because women thought it was somehow their fault their baby died/they got cancer/their husband was a cheating bastard or maybe just because they never found the words.

The day we were supposed to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, I read this post and while I was still trying to be hopeful, I let myself contemplate what was soon-to-be our loss for the first time. Not long after that, Cara posted of her chemical pregnancy and I shared in her sadness. By reading their stories, I was touched and grateful and inspired.

Sharing my loss was almost as hard as going through it and there were fleeting moments where I regret opening myself up about something so personal. But I couldn’t find a suitable smile to hide my pain, so I found the words. After posting my story I was instantly lifted up by heartfelt comments, emails and Facebook messages. My friends cried with me, our family enveloped us in prayers and strangers reached out to me. But what was most surprising were the women who shared their own stories of loss. Friends, family – women I’ve known for a minute and women I’ve known all my life dug down into that place where you put the memories that hurt and brought them up to help me heal. From those stories new tears and old tears mixed together until we were just women who share yet another thing in common. I am in awe of each and every person who has reached out to me over the last week.

Our children are so precious to us- even the ones we never meet.

I lost my first pregnancy at 12 weeks.

You can call me and you don’t even have to say anything, we’ll just cry.

I was excited — for all of eight weeks. That was it…it was barely even enough time to say I was pregnant.

Some things are so hard to say; much harder than that brief moment the listener struggles for the “right response”. I am so glad that you have the courage and the voice to share.

I know how heartbreaking it is. But you are one of the strongest, most brave Mamma’s I know.

I too, know the feeling. It’s something you will never forget, nor do you want to…

We all, as humans, share those same thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences, and it’s nice when someone is willing to put them out there for the world to see, so that we might not feel so alone in our journey.

The courage will come.

When I met with the doctor after my last ultrasound she looked across the table at me and said, “This is very common, one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage…” At the time I felt that her explaining the commonality of my situation somehow diminished it. Sharing my story has showed me that just because things are common doesn’t mean they hurt us any less, and I’m thankful to all of the brave, wonderful people who have opened their hearts to me and my family. Because if you’re going to sip tea while the world spins, it’s so much better to do it with a friend who understands if you don’t feel like smiling today.

This post first appeared here on Kveller.com

Kveller.com offers a Jewish twist on parenting, everything a Jewish family could need for raising Jewish children.

I'm going to be a Mama again, someday

Writing and blogging helped me to get through some of the darkest days on bed rest. It has allowed me to celebrate motherhood in all its glory (and occasional frustration) over this past year. I have a beautiful record of so many of the things I've felt, celebrated and learned through pregnancy, infancy and now toddler-hood. People have kept in touch with our family and I've connected with new friends and old.  It is because of all these things that I choose to share my loss. Writing it down helps to stop it from spinning around in my head morning and night. I hope sharing this will help me to heal soon, but never forget. Because no matter how insignificant those few cells may seem to some, for us they have a story.

I'm going to be a Mama again, someday.

Grand-mama drama over at Kveller

There was lots of drama over at Kveller this week.

The resident "grandma blogger" wrote a piece about her feelings against Cry It Out forms of sleep training. Her post generated a TON of traffic with over 150 "likes" on facebook.

Lots of people weighed in and the comments got heated, and even Kveller issued a statement about passing judgment.

I responded with a post of my own since this issue is one I've struggled a lot with over the last year.

While CIO didn't feel right for our family and I know a lot of people who have had great success with it, which is why I chose to respond to the judgment issue of her post.

Since writing that post a few people have shared some recent article with me that I found to be wonderful.

Grandmothers should be seen and not heard post was linked in the comments on Kveller.

And I came across this beautiful post by a grandmother over at Best for Babes

Happy Mother's Day

Here's to a drama-free weekend!

This week on Kveller

Owen at the Conservatory this afternoon - his shirt was very interesting!

I've had a busy week on Kveller!

I blogged about Owen's love for all things Passover

and had TWO more feature articles!!

Friends with Benefits

And this piece which I was thrilled they asked to feature because I gathered a lot of my thoughts from here on my blog and put them into a full article that pretty much summed up how I felt about the power of prayer during my pregnancy.

Prayer During Pregnancy

Shabbat Shalom! Have a wonderful weekend!