Gillen Azar: ELEVEN MONTHS.

Dearest Gillen,

How is it possible that you are nearly one. To say that the time has flown by would be an understatement because each joyful moment spills into the next and we still can't get enough of you.

This has been a HUGE month for you.

You went from army crawling to full blown crawling. Owen didn't really crawl and wasn't much of a mover so you are giving me a crash course in baby mobility. You can crawl very fast and destroy our entire house in seconds. Every time I clean up a mess you've made I turn around and you're into something else. You can take out every toy in the playroom in the two minutes it takes me to pee. And you are SO proud of yourself.

You pull up on everything and love to cruise around your crib. I've also caught you standing unassisted but I'm so in shock I'm pretending I didn't see you do that.

You wave and say "Hiiiii" in the cutest voice.

You quack, moo, a doggy sound and growl like a monster.

You sing the "Five Little Ducks" song (exactly like your brother did!)

You say: Mama, Dada, Uh-ah (Owen), baby, Peek-a-boo.

You LOVE to sing. Your brother is obsessed with the The Lorax so we listen to the soundtrack a lot. His favorite song (ironically enough) is 'How Bad Can I Be' and he sings it at the top of his lungs "How ba-a-a-a-d can I be, I'm just doing what comes naturally." And you, his trusty side kick, chime in with ba-a-a-a-a-a right along with him.

You also LOVE to hit a drum and sing 'Hey Ya Na' from our Music Together CD. I'm putting a drum on your birthday wish list, a decision I'm sure I'll come to regret.

You are quite good at letting us know when you are displeased. You absolutely hate to have your diaper or clothes changed. Because you are a wild man there are times I need to set you in the crib or in the exersaucer you protest loudly because you do not want to be caged in. Sorry buddy but sometimes Mama needs to put in a load of laundry and know you're safe.

You get only one nap a day, at the same time as your brother. This might be the single most thing I feel guilty about when it comes to you. When Owen was your age I'd move mountains to be sure we were home for his three naps per day because he refused to nap outside the house. You are much the same, and while you will occasionally fall asleep in the car or in the Ergo you prefer to sleep in your crib (ahem or with me in my bed). We are so busy out and about we only make it home for naps in the afternoon. Sometimes you don't go down until 3pm and you usually sleep for three solid hours. You don't get enough sleep and I'm hoping with Owen going to preschool in the fall we can find a way to get you a morning nap. You don't seem to mind and I think you've adjusted to the schedule but I know you need the sleep sweet boy so we'll work on it.

One day when you happened to nap earlier than your brother I brought you into the toy room to play. You called and searched around for Owen and when he was no where to be found you spotted the toy plane he zooms around all day long. You snatched it up and "zoomed" it around in the air making the cutest "sssssss" sound. I watch you play with toys so purposefully and I know that you learn this from your brother. Owen grows up wanting to be like us, because that is all he knows. But you, you my love, grow up wanting to be like him. You are ever so aware of everything. It melts my heart to see you such a part of everything we do.

I love you sweet, Gil. SO MUCH.

Mama

Gillen Azar: NINE months old

You have seven teeth - the four on top all came in together. Ouch.

You point.

You shake your head no. It is adorable.

You love Owen and have taken to calling him, "Uh-ah"

You love the song 'Five Little Ducks'

18 month clothing.

Size 5 diapers.

We dunked your toes in the pool and you were NOT a fan.

This month while we were on vacation you decided that you love to eat table food. You've been enjoying celery, cucumbers and bread but in Hilton Head you ate you weight in french fries and chicken. At one point when you were inhaling chicken breast from your Daddy's plate he tried to cut you off because he wasn't sure your little body could digest all of that food. You slapped your hands on the table until we gave you more.

This is new for us so you'll have to bear with us. With your brother I carefully introduced one pureed food at a time, logging it on the calendar and watching for allergies. You my love HAVE a food allergy and I cannot stop you from shoveling table food into your mouth. I will admit it is giving me a heart attack between not knowing what you've put in your mouth and wondering if you are going to choke.

While we were on vacation you also started to say "dada" consistently. We noticed you had stopped saying it for a while, probably because Daddy hasn't been around a lot, but as soon as we were on vacation you were saying it all day long. Your Daddy's heart melted that you were so happy to spend time with him.

I can't sing your praises enough and we are so happy to see your unique personality shine through and insert itself into our family. You continue to be joyful but have learned that with a very verbal brother you need to move mountains to make yourself heard. And you do, sir.

This might be the perfect age. You are chubby, happy and content sitting in one place (although you've started to lunge and try to get up on all fours). You play with toys and smile and coo. You are adored by the three of us completely. We love you, Baby Gil. We sure do love you.

Mama

Gillen Azar: EIGHT MONTHS

Dearest Gillen,

This has been a crazy month! You have two new teeth, a total of three on the bottom. You broke out of your swaddle and we had to buy a bigger one that we can still tuck one arm into. You've actually been sleeping more, only waking 1-3 times per night most nights instead of hourly.

You gave us quite the scare when you refused to eat for 72 hours straight. We brought you to the emergency room and even though you hadn't eaten or peed you were our little smiley bundle. Then you latched the moment the doctor walked in and made your Daddy and I look like liars.

You've been saying "Mama" for about two months now and you just started making a few "Dada" sounds the other day. You respond to your name and when we ask you, "Where's Owen?" you search the room for him.

You are currently growing out of clothing that your brother wore when he was one. We're moving you from 12 months clothes to 12-18 month. You are a solid boy and you very much love your milk. When we try to feed you solids from a spoon you give us the,"What is this? Poison?" face and spit most of it out. You love to chew on celery or cucumber pieces but you don't swallow anything. We'll continue to try solid food with you but aren't worried about it too much.

I ate some icing on a cupcake for my birthday and you had bloody stool a few days later. In addition, I let you have a piece of your brother's chocolate chip bagel the other day and you broke out in a horrible rash all over your face from the chocolate chips. Dairy is NOT your friend my sweet boy. Our little family is getting used to our soy ice cream dates - thankfully a few places around here serve it! It's very cute to hear your brother announce that you are allergic to dairy. He's always looking out for you.

You continue to be so happy and easy going. You traveled with us perfectly and didn't seem to care one bit.More than anything else, you want to be included. You want us to talk you through our day and sit you at the dinner table with us. Up until now you've been quite content just being along for the ride, but more and more you are showing us that you are a part of this family and want to have a say too. You continue to exude calmness and joy - such a happy guy and all of us are so smiten with you.

I have a feeling next month is going to hold big things for you. I know you will not be a baby forever but I do hope you are endlessly happy your entire life.

All my love,
Mama

Gillen Azar: SEVEN MONTHS

Dearest Gil,

Giggles.

All day long from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. Full-on belly laughs for everyone, but you find Owen especially hilarious. I remember with Owen your Daddy and I used to sit around with wish for a giggly baby. He was very serious your brother, so much so that we brought our concerns to the pediatrician only to be told that perhaps we just weren't that funny. YOU have proven her wrong! According to you, every person in this house is absolutely hysterical.

And all these giggles continue even on days when you are teething. You still only have the one tooth which is fully in and makes you look like a pirate or a lumber jack with your one-toothed gummy smile. But there is so much drool and everything goes in your mouth. You love teethers and I try to always have one with me.

We've tried a few solid foods over the past month. Sweet potato puree and oatmeal. Neither of which you were interested in. You grab at anything we are eating and love to gum on banana/celery/toast but when I tried to spoon feed you, you push everything out of your mouth. You won't even open up and dribble slobbery food down into your many, many chins which is next to impossible to clean out. Meanwhile Owen sits beside you saying, "He doesn't like that, Mama! He's spitting it out!" So as not to stress out your brother, or myself, I'm backing off for a while. You have plenty of milk and are growing beautifully. You'll eat when you're ready.

You are wearing 12 month clothing now, which sadly is getting snug. You wore a sweater the other day that your brother wore for his one year pictures. You're just... thicker. You burnt the motor out on your swing this week, thankfully we had a replacement motor in the basement but honestly? It's not going to last much longer. I continue to juggle you from the cosleeper/my bed/the swing all night long hoping for a few extra hours. You've been better this past week, sleeping from 830-130, sometimes even till 3am and then not waking again until 530. Let me tell you, that extra sleep feels awesome.

You started babbling, "Ma Ma Ma Ma" and it's so adorable. Daddy swears you're not trying to say "Mama" but I'm going to keep on hoping that you are. You give us big open mouthed slobbery kisses and your face lights up when we sing or you hear our CD from music class.

Your hair is still red and the new hair growing is also red. I never in a million years imagined I'd have a ginger baby. And definitely not a ginger boy! I adore your hair. You have your Daddy's eyes and his long toes, but your hair screams that you are MY child. Whenever we are out people comment on our hair and it makes me so giddy inside. I know it doesn't matter what color your hair ultimately turns out to be - but I find myself wishing and hoping it stays red.

I love you, happy boy.

Mama

Gillen Azar: SIX MONTHS

Dearest Gillen,

First I have to wholeheartedly apologize for my first slight to the second born child as you will find no five month letter. I think it was a blur and I could partially blame you for my lack of sleep because you are still up every two hours (if not more). I think your four month growth spurt blended seamlessly into your first tooth at 5.5 months making sleep hard to come by. So you have one little bottom tooth that you've bitten me with twice. Ouch.

(In addition, you will find no pictures of you posing with a sticker on your chest which denotes how old you are. I blame this on lack of light in our apartment, and again, I'm tired.)

You sleep swaddled in the cosleeper next to my bed, but prefer to be IN my bed. We also have the swing in our room and you go in there around 530am when I'm totally delusional and just need some rest. I had every intention of putting you in with your brother, but he still very much adores his crib and I'm not about to have two children up every two hours. So you'll stay in with us, I like having you there even if it means I get less sleep.

You have inherited my booty, sweet boy. You have the chubbiest butt I've ever seen. We have you in size 4 diapers during the day and you wear your brother's size 5 diapers over night. You are wearing nine month clothes but quickly outgrowing those. I can't wait for warmer weather when I can have you in a onesie all day and let your chubby legs and feet air out!

We confirmed this month that you are allergic to cows milk protein. After months of you being gassy and uncomfortable with some questionable poop, I ruled out all other problems and then saw blood in your diaper. Tell tale milk allergy, so I eliminated dairy from my diet and it's all better now. Most babies outgrow this sensitivity by a year or so we'll keep you (and me) away from dairy products and hope you outgrow it sooner rather than later.

One day this month you were sitting at the table gagging yourself with a spoon, you like this game.When I was ready to put you down for nap,I tried to nurse you and you were gagging. I looked in your mouth and saw nothing, so I figured you overstimulated yourself with the spoon. You didn't sleep long and cried to nurse again. Each time I attempted to nurse you, more gagging. It had been almost four hours so I knew you were hungry. I swept my finger around inside of your mouth again only to find A SOCCER BALL STICKER. You must have been moving it around in your mouth all morning and your gag reflex was keeping you from choking or swallowing it. I have no idea how you got the sticker, there are stickers all over the house so it's no wonder. To say I felt horrible was an understatement and the fact that you are my second child was never so apparent.

Owen wants to share everything with you, and asks me every morning when you will be big enough to play with him. I try to be vigilant about what he's giving you (or how hard he's kissing you or laying on you while you try to do a baby push up with him on your back. Sigh.) But it is impossible for me to keep you as safe as I kept him. I would have to throw away all of his toys and stickers and make him play with baby teethers all day long. I can only hope and pray that I can keep an eye on it and find these things before something bad happens.

And through it all, you just giggle. Whenever I think about you, my heart lights up. The word that defines your very existence is JOY. You've brought so much of it into this house, our souls sing when you are around us.

I'll be more vigilant - just keep laughing, my sweet son. Just keep laughing for me. Oh and remember, the love of a child is greater than cheese, and one day I hope you'll appreciate my sacrifices, even if there isn't a five month letter.

Always,
Mama

Gillen: Four Months Old

Dearest Gil,

One year ago, on Christmas Day - the last night of Chanukah, we found out that we were pregnant with you. We had prayed and waited for another baby and not even three positive pregnancy tests could make my reality sink in. I could not believe it. One year later and I still cannot believe I am the mother, of not one but TWO beautiful boys.

This month, you've found your hands and you eat them constantly. You drool, OH THE DROOL, like a St. Bernard and you think you might like to grab on to your toes, but your chubby thighs are in the way.

The other shoe has dropped however, like we knew it would, and sleep evades us. You have spent most of the month nursing throughout the night, almost every hour. Your long 4-6 hour stretch of sleep that I enjoyed in the beginning has seemingly vanished. I am a zombie. You seem to be coping quite well and are enjoying naps in the swing during the day while I run around after your brother. Let's hope this growth spurt subsides soon.

The days with you have gone by faster than I can blink. Faster than they did even when you brother was an infant. You do everything sooner, bigger and with more joy and energy than I have ever seen. Your Daddy and I find ourselves asking you to slow down and let us soak you in a little longer. Your tininess is gone -all of it. Your tiny stretches, pouty lips, sleepy milk smiles all gone. You are big and strong and aware. You won't be held over our shoulders or cradled like a baby, you want to sit up and watch your brother. You don't fall asleep on us. You want to sit up in the Bumbo and while you are held, you want to practice standing. You roll over both ways, but only when you want to.

You want to be included in everything we're doing and talking about. And even when your Daddy and I might forget how much you want to be included - your brother NEVER does. When we talk about our favorite colors, Owen always wonders, "Well what is Gil's favorite color?"

Your brother will probably tell you what your favorite color is for a while, yesterday it was black. But one day in the very too-fast-approaching-future you will tell us which colors you like best, and then your favorite color will change and you will tell us that too. I can't wait to know what colors you love; I can't wait to know everything about you.

I realized the other day that is what is magical about staying home with the two of you. I know your brother very well, and as he grows he shows even more of himself. But you and I, we've just met and started our dance together. I'm learning to love and parent you individually with the confidcence I gained from the last three years with your brother. You and I have a story to write, it began on a joyous day in August and continues through the sleepless nights of December.

Tell me your stories, baby Gil. I can't wait to hear them.

All my love,
Mama

Gillen Azar: Three Months Old

Dearest Gillen,

This video sums up everything about you right now. You are happy, giggly smiles 90% of the time. Unless it's after 7:30pm and we try to put you in the car - you aren't having any of that. Your favorite person continues to be your brother and he can make you giggle no matter what he is doing. We do have to remind him to give you some space because he likes to love on you a little too close and a little too hard sometimes but it warms my heart to see the two of you together.

Oh the giggles. The sound of you laughing is so infectious. I makes me laugh until I cry happy, sappy Mama tears. After raising such a serious boy in your brother, having a giggly one show me how different you both are. My second favorite thing about you? YOUR CHUBS! So many chubs, my love. Your butt, legs and thighs are adorned with roll after roll of soft chubby goodness. You have so many chins we've lost count and your little belly jiggles when you laugh. We moved you to size 3 diapers and this week I packed away all of your 3-month clothing. We actually had to make an emergency run to Carter's one night when we realized you were busting out of your jammies and we had no fleece jams in storage because Owen was in six month clothing in the dead heat of summer. We told Owen we were going on "an adventure" piled into the car and listened to you scream the entire way there.

When you are awake you are strong and active. I don't even remember a time when your neck was floppy. You are sturdy and want nothing to do with being put over our shoulders or held like a baby. You want to look around at everything. You love your baby milk, which from the size of you is quite obvious. You take it very seriously and demand my undivided attention when I am nursing you. If I talk to Owen or look at my phone, you pop off to coo and smile at me until you have my attention back. How do I have a distracted nurser this early? 

You don't like baths, but we're working on it and you don't like being held by strangers. You REALLY, REALLY don't like being passed around. I think you have the loudest cry I've ever heard and the two times we've let a stranger hold you in the evening - you let us know that was NOT okay with you.

You are so easy going and I can't imagine where you've gotten it from. Perhaps is necessity of being the second child. You'll nap in the wrap, in the Ergo, in the swing - even sometimes IN THE CAR! You flash your gummy smile at anyone who inquires about you. You giggle and smile while we change your diaper and have brought nothing but joy into this family.

I know I've told you this since the day you were born but you quite literally exude happiness.From you, to you and all around you. My darling boy, you make us so incredibly happy.

Love and giggles,
Mama

Gillen Azar: Two Months Old

Dearest Gillen,

I honestly think these two months with you have flow by faster than they did with your brother. Perhaps it's because you've blended into our family seamlessly. When I say you are a joy, it is the understatment of the year.

You have cried at night - Twice. Two times in your two months of life. You give me one 4-6 hours stretch each night night and nurse like a pro. You smiled starting at 4 weeks and haven't stopped. This past week you started popping off the breast to smile at me. It melts my heart. You've found your voice and like to "talk" back and forth with me. I swear you are starting to giggle and I absolutely love it.

You love your big brother Owen. You often cry in the car and when you do your brother will hold your hand and you stop immediately. Your head is always turned towards him and aside from him setting his dirty boots on your face one time, the two of you side-by-side in the car has been a blessing.

You are okay with being swaddled but prefer to sleep snuggled up in bed next to me. You finally figured out how to nurse with both of us lying down (without milk coming out of your nose) and we're enjoying naps and early mornings together. You have never once slept laying on your back in the cosleeper - but we'll get there. For now you spend your long stretch of sleep swaddled in the vibrating bouncer, in the cosleeper with white noise playing on the ipod.

You are huge.  You wear size 2 diapers and are about to move to 3-6 or 6 month clothing. Everyone comments on how big and solid you are and I cannot believe it myself. You've all but outgrown your little Puj tub and bathtime consists of your Daddy trying to clean the "cheese" out of all of your leg and neck rolls. It's insane. I struggled with breastmilk oversupply around the six week mark and you were choking when you ate. We fixed it and are doing much better now. Still lots of milk and LOTS of eating. Your eyes are blue like your Daddy's, with his long fingers and toes. Your new hair is a little darker than your redish newborn hair but it still has an auburn tint.

The happiness I told you about last month has only grown and grown, little one. You are the textbook definition of an "easy baby" and I hope I don't jinx myself in saying so. I want to have a million babies just like you. But for now there is you and I am relishing in our every moment together. Like your brother, a gentle sweetness has begun to shine through in your little personality.

I don't know what could I have possibly done to be blessed with two sweet little boys, but I never shut my eyes at night before remembering to be thankful. Infinitely grateful. For you both.

Love,
Mama

 My view, of you.

Letter: Three Weeks of Happy

Dearest Gillen,

I've been writing this letter to you in my mind since the moment I laid eyes on you but I'm afraid with a newborn and a toddler to take care of, a delayed letter from your Mama is only the first of many things that will come fashionably late, my precious second born. 

Three weeks later and I'm still riding the high of your birth. Everything about the day you were born was absolutely perfect. You picked the ideal time of the day to arrive. I had a good night's rest, woke, showered, ate breakfast and was able to get your brother settled allowing me peace of mind to focus on you and only you.

The afternoon light coming into the delivery room was just beautiful. With each contraction I focused on meeting you, getting to see your tiny hands and sharing you with your Daddy. You didn't disappoint, my love. You are more beautiful that I could have imagined. You have my hairline (complete with widow's peak) and almond eyes. You have your Daddy's long fingers and toes. Your whispy hair is auburn in the light and I'm anxious to see if it will stay that way.

Your cry is the loudest cry I've ever heard. You only use it when you're hungry. You're hungry a lot. You latched right from the start and have nursed perfectly ever since. My milk came in on the second day, much to your delight and it has filled you out quite nicely. I'm so happy to nurse you whenever you want day and night. I needed you to nurse well. I needed you to eat, and not be jaundice and to gain weight. And you did. You are so strong and solid. I honestly cannot believe you are my child, back to birth weight in 72 hours and already outgrown your newborn diapers. Part of it was you, but a lot of it was me.Your brother taught me how to dance this dance. How to love and nurse and care for someone new. You can thank him for that. I know I have.

You sleep. You sleep unswaddled and right from the start you've given me a four hour stretch of sleep all but twice. I'm tired but less tired than I thought I'd be with two. Because you're eating and sleeping. The naps you take on my chest are some of my favorite. I love smelling you underneath my chin, cuddling your snuggly body. 

Your Daddy and I are basking in your every stretch and grunt. We fight over who gets to hold you, nap with you, coo and smile at you. We're enjoying having a newborn. We know it will be gone all too quickly. We missed out on some of this with your brother because we were too busy being clumsy first-time parents. We wished it away amidst our struggles. Not this time, we're holding on tight to your smell and your milky sleep smiles. We notice how different you look each day and we celebrate each roll that emerges on your body. You are an absolutely beautiful boy. We can't wait to learn more about you and see your personality emerge, yet we want to stop time and soak in every minute of now with you. 

From the moment you were born I thought to myself "I am so HAPPY." You filled every corner of my heart with love and every day since I cannot stop thinking about how happy I am. Just happy. With you, because of you, because of everything surrounding your birth up until now. All happiness.

I knew it would be wonderful, I just didn't know how wonderful. I'm so glad you chose us, we love you so completely and effortlessly. Thank you for the happiness you brought with you, it was a welcomed surprise.

All my love,
Mama

Eighteen weeks, your first letter

{18w3d }

Dear Baby Brother,

Here we are almost half-way through our time together, you and me, and I've just now written to you. I've been writing letters in my head since the day the possibility of you presented itself. Pink lines are only the beginning for this cautious Mama and I hold dear every precious, healthy minute that we have together as you grow big and strong.

My heart beat stronger the day I saw your little heartbeat, and even through your big brother's fearful protests, I remembered to be thankful. When I saw that you would be a boy, another baby boy, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I've always felt destined to be a boy-Mama. Your brother has showed me the way and I can't wait to raise another loving soul to collect rocks and pee on me when I'm not looking.

I've been feeling you move for a few weeks now, I thought being my second time around it might not be as magical. But it was. To know that you are in there kicking away, reminding me of your presence, just heightens my excitement. Last night, your Daddy was able feel you kick for the very first time. He might just be more thrilled than I am.

There are three VERY excited people in this family praying for your safe and healthy arrival. We're happy to be patient as you snuggle up warm and safe inside your Mama. We'll love you from the outside and dream of all of the beautiful things we'll do together as a family of four.

And then in the heat of the late summer sun, you'll join us and our family will be more complete than we can even imagine.

I love you, my sweet boy. Madly and deeply. I love you.

Mama