The day when $0.97 saved my marriage

I think I've mentioned on several occasions that my boobs now have their own zip code. If it offends you to read about boobs, please stop now. If you are related to me and it makes you uncomfortable to read about MY boobs, you can stop now or get over it because you've probably met me before and know that I'm a health educator and will probably have my child saying UTERUS by the age of two.

So my baby feeders are kicking into action at a rapid pace, faster than my Victoria Secret slings can keep up with. Two weeks ago, I found a GLORIOUS SALE RACK of $12.99 bras and bought the next size up.

Those lasted me exactly two weeks.

But because I cannot possibly imagine buying new undergarments EVERY TWO WEEKS I've been suffering in silence. Except for when I complain to my husband.

This weekend he noticed a rash on my side because of the elastic digging in and decided I needed a boulder holder intervention. We went to the maternity store and attempted to buy some nursing bra's to which he replied,"Those fit like crap." Innocent comment resulted in an irrational pregnancy-hormone-induced TIZZY and to which I replied, "This is why I buy expensive bra's from Victoria's Secret!" (followed by some incoherent mumbling about someone being a bra judger and me hating my jugs and wishing I could win the lottery or at least some seed money so that I could invent nicer nursing bras - I think you get the picture.)

Sans pregnancy, I'm not small chested. I have gifted mammaries and although I've often swooned over cute little push up bras with ONE CLASP - I'm just not a ONE CLASP KIND OF GIRL. Jeremy suggested we try Vicki's and even offered to pay full price (WHAT?) for some bigger support (and mental stability). No luck. No nursing bras and apparently they don't even sell bra extenders.

So I proceeded to have a nervous break down in the food court over mediocre food and my pregnancy breasts. I was in fact, so incredibly inconsolable that I needed to go home and sit quietly by myself (yes, even grown women need time-out).

And then my husband mysteriously left for a half hour and returned with this from Walmart.

And for less than ONE DOLLAR I was able to deal with my life and marriage again.

AMEN.

Go, go, gadget... MATERNITY JEANS!

After sitting at my desk yesterday with my last pair of wearable work pants unbuttoned and fully unzipped - I decided it might be time. Especially after I stood up to grab some stuff off the copier and forgot my undies were playing peek-a-boo with the office. Did I mention I work with mostly middle-aged men? Oopsy.

This morning, as I slid on my new maternity jeans and folded over the GI-NORMOUS belly band, only one thing came to mind.... AHHHHHHHHH!

Thank you work place for your lenient dress code.

Thank you inventor of the GIANT elastic belly band. I mean, seriously, who needs zippers and buttons when you have a half-yard of elastic holding your britches up?

and then I remembered one of my most favorite Friends episodes, where Brad Pitt is looking scrumptious and Joey gets the meat sweats. For your enjoyment.



I'm 19 weeks pregnant TOMORROW!!