Gillen: Four Months Old

Dearest Gil,

One year ago, on Christmas Day - the last night of Chanukah, we found out that we were pregnant with you. We had prayed and waited for another baby and not even three positive pregnancy tests could make my reality sink in. I could not believe it. One year later and I still cannot believe I am the mother, of not one but TWO beautiful boys.

This month, you've found your hands and you eat them constantly. You drool, OH THE DROOL, like a St. Bernard and you think you might like to grab on to your toes, but your chubby thighs are in the way.

The other shoe has dropped however, like we knew it would, and sleep evades us. You have spent most of the month nursing throughout the night, almost every hour. Your long 4-6 hour stretch of sleep that I enjoyed in the beginning has seemingly vanished. I am a zombie. You seem to be coping quite well and are enjoying naps in the swing during the day while I run around after your brother. Let's hope this growth spurt subsides soon.

The days with you have gone by faster than I can blink. Faster than they did even when you brother was an infant. You do everything sooner, bigger and with more joy and energy than I have ever seen. Your Daddy and I find ourselves asking you to slow down and let us soak you in a little longer. Your tininess is gone -all of it. Your tiny stretches, pouty lips, sleepy milk smiles all gone. You are big and strong and aware. You won't be held over our shoulders or cradled like a baby, you want to sit up and watch your brother. You don't fall asleep on us. You want to sit up in the Bumbo and while you are held, you want to practice standing. You roll over both ways, but only when you want to.

You want to be included in everything we're doing and talking about. And even when your Daddy and I might forget how much you want to be included - your brother NEVER does. When we talk about our favorite colors, Owen always wonders, "Well what is Gil's favorite color?"

Your brother will probably tell you what your favorite color is for a while, yesterday it was black. But one day in the very too-fast-approaching-future you will tell us which colors you like best, and then your favorite color will change and you will tell us that too. I can't wait to know what colors you love; I can't wait to know everything about you.

I realized the other day that is what is magical about staying home with the two of you. I know your brother very well, and as he grows he shows even more of himself. But you and I, we've just met and started our dance together. I'm learning to love and parent you individually with the confidcence I gained from the last three years with your brother. You and I have a story to write, it began on a joyous day in August and continues through the sleepless nights of December.

Tell me your stories, baby Gil. I can't wait to hear them.

All my love,
Mama