Little things

Sometimes I get swallowed up in the day-to-day----wake, nurse, change diapers, laundry, dinner, litter box, shower (meh.), browse the internet, pump, drink water, miss husband, snuggle baby - rinse and repeat. I remember at my old job we had a very multicultural office and one of the researchers there was Chinese. She would sometimes ask our administrative assistant, Julia, questions (very valid questions) about idiomatic expressions. Nine times out of ten, she would stump her, (ie. "Come on, guys" - how do you possibly explain this??) It tickled me when she would ask these questions - because Julia with her firey red hair and personality to match - was of course the BEST person to ask (I borrowed her black leather fringed motorcycle chaps for Halloween one year. She actually had the guts to wear them in real life.) I would hoover in my cubical very silently in an effort to eavesdrop on these conversations. I found them fascinating and would laugh to myself at how truly confusing the English language really is.

One day my coworker asked a question that I'll always keep with me.

What is, "a little something" ?

Julia sat puzzled, "What is the context?"

Someone said they were having, "a little something special"

And I listened to Julia fumble through an explanation of how when something, even a very small thing like a cup of coffee, a fancy sugar sifter or a green highlighter, makes us happy we save it (for a rainy day...what?) and enjoy it when we need a pick-me-up (pick me up? what?)

I thought about all of the "little somethings" that make my heart flutter and how the bad stuff just melts away. I remember the first time I fell in love with a little something. I was in college, driving down the main street of our small town around this very time of year. There were workers on ladders putting flags at the very top of the black light posts that lined the leaf-covered street. I looked up at the new flag whipping in the wind and on it was a snowflake. I rolled down my window and took a deep breath of cool air, I could almost smell the snowflakes --and in that moment, my heart smiled a little. I made a memory of that feeling, to keep with me as a reminder that THIS is what getting older is all about. You might say this was the first time that I stopped to just be thankful.

Ever since that day I let myself be taken away, to those moments, by a little something specials. To truly appreciate little things in my life that make my heart swell big inside my chest. The feeling that smiles so big on the inside it can't help but make you smile on the outside.

The other day a friend called, kids screaming in the background and said she was having the worst day ever, and then she said, "But Trader Joes had a big bunch of fresh flowers for $3 today. They are sitting on my dining room table, making everything better."  And I told her about my spoons. There is a frozen yogurt shop down the street with 12 machines of daily flavors. You fill up a large white cup and cover the creamy goodness with nuts, candy, fruit and cereals of your choosing. You pay by the ounce (so pick light toppings!) and shovel it in with a brightly colored plastic spoon. This summer, when Jeremy happened to get home early enough, our little family would walk to the shop. We'd see who could guess the weight of the yogurt, we'd talk, coo over Owen and enjoy the sweetness of the night. I couldn't bring myself to throw away the spoons, so into the dishwasher they went one by one, until I had a set.

When I pull myself, bleary-eyed, out of bed to nurse a crying Owen in the middle of the night or very early in the morning before the sun comes up I always eat a small cup of soy yogurt before going back to bed (must.make.more.milk) and I eat it with a brightly colored spoon. And I stand alone, barefoot in the dark kitchen and let that spoon bring me back to a perfect summer night walking hand-in-hand with my gorgeous husband and cuddling our tiny baby.

The diapers, the laundry, the dinner, the litter box  and every other day-to-day is easier to swallow served up on a colored spoon. My little something special.