He has me and I am free

Owen has like five little toys and an exersaucer. I've been beating myself up that we don't have the money to get him EVERYSINGLETOYINTHEWORLD. I worried (my crazy, irrational Mama worry) that he would be dumber, or slower or damaged because we can't afford a baby basketball game or a LIGHT-UP-SOUND-SHAPE-SORTER-EXTRORDINAIRE table. Like he isn't going know his shapes and colors because he doesn't have a toy to teach him. I got really upset about it with Jeremy one night after he told me he didn't think we needed toys to make O happy or smart. Jeremy feels so guilty that he's gone all the time and doesn't bring home much money as a resident. With me not working things are tight, but just before we went to bed he said to me, "Tam whatever you need to buy to make you feel okay about this, we'll buy for him. If you think he needs more for his development, we'll find a way to make it work"

and then it dawned on me. My husband was so right.

All Owen needs is me. My love and my attention. We are making sacrifices because I want to be home with him. Would I rather work and have extra money for toys? Hell no! The next day I grabbed his set of stacking cups and I put them in a big plastic bowl from the kitchen. I pile the cups in the bowl and Owen takes them out. He loves this game. Once the bowl is empty he puts it on his head or bites it. He laughs and waits for me to refill the bowl.

We have one ball. I roll it to him and try to get him to roll it back to me. As soon as I say the word "ball" he smiles and looks around for it. He knows we play ball together.

I really wanted THIS TOY for Owen. One of the kids at playgroup has one and Owen LOVES to play with the shaker and the bells. I just couldn't bring myself to pay $20 for it. A few weeks ago I was at a garage sale. There was a box of infant toys that said $0.25 each or 5 for $1.00. And there they were. I almost cried when I saw those two random toy pieces and I swiped them up like it was Black Friday and there was a line of googly-eyed women with fanny packs behind me just waiting at the chance to plow me over for the deal (there weren't of course, it was just me). I felt like I had won the lottery. The two pieces that Owen loves playing with THE MOST in absolutely perfect condition. I rushed home with my treasures and after dumping half a bottle of disinfectant on them (rinse and repeat) I presented them to a VERY pleased baby Owen. They snap together but most of the time he likes to shake them separately so that I can shake one and he can shake one while I sing, "Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Shake it! Shake it! -- Shake it! Shake it!"

So for $0.50 - I added it to our plastic bowl. The songs come free with being his Mama.

This isn't a post about our budget - its a post about me being stupid enough to spend a single minute dwelling on something that didn't matter. When the only thing that does matter, is us  - our hugs, our songs, me spending every waking minute talking to him. That is how he will learn, that is what makes him happiest, THAT is what's important -- that and whatever other things I can find in the kitchen ;)