FULL. TERM. BABE.

Today our little one is considered full term - I kept him in for these ten precious weeks and now he should be big and healthy enough to thrive on the outside.

This milestone seemed infinitely impossible, and now that we're here I am overcome with emotion.

Re-read last sentence: OVERCOME WITH EMOTION.

Apparently being this pregnant also makes you susceptible to sobbing crazy-pants breakdowns - like the one I had in the car yesterday for seemingly no reason.

Or was there a reason...

We were forced out of our house for a showing by a very early and very RUDE realtor, my underwear were too tight and I noticed a scratch on my car.

CUE COMPLETE MELT DOWN.

(In my opinion) I've done pretty well with keeping my emotions in check during this pregnancy. Yea, there was some crying in the shower during my lonely first trimester and I may or may not have lost it one day in the food court over my GI-NORMOUS breasts. But compared to the weeping, crying puddle that describes many people during pregnancy - I would consider myself only moderately crazy. I frequently re-focus on the positives and keep myself together.

I really to do try to fart sunshine and rainbows most of the time. I'm infinitely thankful for my life, my husband, my unborn son and all of the possibilities that await us in the future. But every once in a while, one of those stinky ones squeaks out that inevitably permeates all of the air around me. AND YESTERDAY STUNK.

I think the convergence of things going on in my life at this immediate time could have something to do with it.

I'm having a baby (A BABY!)...VERY SOON.

I'm leaving Ohio for the first time in my life (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

I'm moving away from my family (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

I need to find a new job (IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS)

My husband is about to start a very intense residency training program (read: merciless 80 hour work week)

We're trying to sell our beautiful house, which with the two offers we've had so far we might as well have a sign in the yard that says: FREE HOUSE, NO OFFER WILL OFFEND US.

I found out last week that I was not accepted to the PhD program that I applied to, and while it was in Boston and I would have had to decline it anyway, this was a huge blow to my career ego.

the kicker of all this sugar coated fun is that we have exactly NEGATIVE ZERO DOLLARS in the bank and a insurmountable amount of debt (see previous statements of baby/move/no job).

Jeremy says that there is some sort of literature that rates stressful things in life and after death of a child/spouse IS JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE ON THIS LIST.

So I think feeling overwhelmed right now is somewhat justifiable. I'm not looking for sympathy or charity - just a safe place to vent without looking selfish, inadequate or mentally unstable. I guess the real kicker, at least for me, is that I find myself feeling so incredibly guilty when my clear vision of the blissful arrival of my son gets a little foggy if I let these other things sneak up on me.

and to top it all off, MY PANTIES ARE STILL TOO TIGHT.