Finding Nemo wasn’t nearly as fun as I thought it would be

After traveling to see J this past weekend (and deciding that I NEED a maternity shirt that says “future buckeye” on it) I’ve come down with a bit of the crud. My throat is on fire and thick green snot is post nasally dripping on the barren spot where my tonsils used to reside. Nice picture right? Last night, as the sickness snuck up on me, I wondered if my poor baby would be subjected to such nastiness. I checked a few books and I’m pretty sure the answer is no. I’ll be suffering alone, and for that I am grateful.

I also thought last night would be a great night to embark on the next stage of HUGE PILLS PREGNANT WOMEN ARE REQUIRED TO TAKE. Indeed this is a mind over matter situation. With enough milk, I am probably physically capable of swallowing a live mouse, but TWO GIANT calcium pills, my prenatal AND an OMEGA 3 slider for dessert? God give me the strength. After GAGGING MY BRAINS OUT, eyes watering, two glasses of water later…down they went.

I was feeling quite proud of myself until I read the bottle which informed me (bastard!) that I had to do this TWICE A DAY.

So again this morning, after blowing my nose a bazillion times and eating some fiber cereal (otherwise known in our house as “fart cereal”) I braved the pills again. My throat was ON FIRE, so I decided to triage my baby’s needs.

Thought: I want my kid to be smart.

Thought: Screw my future osteoporosis!

Result: I managed to down only the OMEGA 3 pill.

As I set down the bottle of glassy bullets, I thought of the horror stories my prego friends have told me about second trimester FISH BURPS. Oh god, can you imagine being nauseated AND burping up poor NEMO for an ENTIRE DAY? I counted my blessings too soon when I woke up with a smug smile thinking, “The reviews were right, these pills aren’t fishy” the bottle even goes as far as to claim LEMON FLAVORED.

And then I got to work, and around 10:30am experienced the HORRROR that is FISH BURPING. I have to mentally remind myself not to throw up on my desk every time I feel a juicy one coming up.

Thought: How smart do I really want my kid to be…

After today – he/she is going to be 50% dumber than yesterday, because I’m not taking that pill in the morning EVER AGAIN!

Three more weeks until I can share my misery with a real person, and not just rant about it on the internets.

I am 14w 5d pregnant and I’ve seen better days.

(also, whoever printed LEMON FLAVORED on that bottle, needs to be stoned.)